Saturday, July 30, 2011

Mar. 5, 2022

Nice to have some running water. Took a nice shower. No it wasn’t hot. Maybe not totally clean. And the pressure was lacking. But at this point, I can’t complain. Better than the river. Haven’t cut my hair in so long. It is all in knots. Itches all the time. They let me borrow a knife. Small one. No trust. Took me a while, but I was able to cut some of this hair off. Beard too. That was much harder to do without slicing myself up. I actually got to see myself in the mirror. Glad to see I’m still really here. No one would recognize me like this. I barely recognize myself. Even after cutting my hair. I stared at myself for a while. I don’t know when or if I will ever get the chance to do it again. Just stared. Did some thinking. Remembered. Home. Family. Wonder if I made it back and they saw me would they recognize me? Would I recognize them? Thought about looking in the mirror as a kid. An innocent boy. Like to think I was innocent. Maybe mom or dad would think differently. Anyway. Then definitely not so innocent teen. Remembered looks were important then. Had to look good for the girls. I would have more of a chance with a zombie than a normal girl looking like this. Thought the teen years were pretty hard. Never thought I would wish I could go back to that time. Nothing is harder than this. Not even college. Had to look even better back then. Unless you just wanted the drunk girls. In that case, maybe I just need a drunk girl now. Super drunk. Then I thought about the present. Is this all worth it? Why am I here? Why am I not a zombie? Should I just become one and get it over with? Sometimes it feels like that but it would be the easy way out. I don’t know what tomorrow holds. I guess I should just be lucky there is a tomorrow. 

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