Journal: Jan 2, 2020-Dec 27, 2020

For easier reading, here are all the days in the journal from Jan 2, 2020-Dec 27,2020. 

Also, follow the link at the bottom of the page to continue reading the events of 2021!

Jan. 2, 2020

Wow, last night one of the hunters gave this huge speech about the New Year, and how things need to change. This sparked a crazy argument about what the hunters want to do next. Everyone had an opinion. Some thought everything was good, and were fine staying. Others were talking about a need to move on. They mentioned how they had to go further and further out to find food and supplies. They need to make a decision before they use up all the gas that they have found. Then there is the question about where to go. The people that want to leave all have their own ideas on where they want to go. Things got so heated that they sent us gatherers away. I guess they didn’t want us to see any weakness in them. It is a hard decision. Whenever I had to make the call, it was always to leave. Some places were great to stay at, but eventually all your resources run out, and the zombies catch up to you. It will become harder to stay here, but I think they will decide to stay for now. What a way to ring in the New Year!

Jan. 3, 2020

Guess there is still some tension out there because they didn’t let us leave our houses today except for a quick bite to eat. Things were quiet out there. I watched out the window from time to time, but there was not a lot of action going on. The ones that guarded gatherers just guarded. The ones that patrolled the grounds just patrolled. The rest of them just did their own thing. Looks like a lot of thinking was going on. I wonder what Joe thinks.
I think he likes the arrangements enough to want to stay. On the other hand, he is smart enough to know that we can’t stay here forever. It depends how much hope you have. If this craziness ends tomorrow, then we are fine. If this madness goes on for a year, even months, it will become harder to stay. Where would we go? Would we all go?  Would we all go together or separate? How would they decide who gets what? Could we move everything that we would need to survive? Actually, they would have to take us gathers. Who else would pack all this shit up? Who else would do all the heavy lifting?

Jan. 4, 2020

I guess they had some of the same questions I did because last night they had a meeting of the minds. They probably had to let everything get out into the open. They are smart, they have to have an open discussion about this before it divides them. I have no idea what they decided. Again, we just got to eat, and then returned to the houses. It is almost like we are on vacation. A paid holiday. It is their decision. The gatherers aren’t going to get a say. Oh well!

Jan 10, 2020

It has been almost a week now, and I guess the decision is to stay for now. Vacation is over. We are back to work as usual, but I know something is still going on that I don’t know about. The hunters aren’t in their same frame of mind. I noticed some of them are not talking with each other, or at least less than usual. Feeding time as been quiet. Joe hasn’t told me much besides that they really haven’t decided. I told him I know it is a hard decision, but I am sure they will make the right one. I also told him I am still looking forward to going hunting, and he looked at me funny. I guess any thoughts of leaving the grounds for any reason is a touchy subject. Things will get interesting when supplies get low, which should be soon. It has been almost a month since the last supply run. My bet is anyone who supported leaving will not go. I wish I knew how
Holy shit! A gunshot just went off, and I ran outside to see what was happening. As soon as I got outside I heard all this yelling, and screaming. I didn’t get too far before they started yelling to get all the gatherers back inside the houses. My asshole guard took a good whack at me because he thought I was moving too slow. I just looked outside the window, and there still is a bunch of chaos going on. I can’t really hear anything. I wonder if this has anything to do with this whole leaving or staying situation. Maybe it was a zombie, but I doubt it. There would have been more shots for sure. Never a dull moment around here lately.

Jan. 13, 2020

So gatherer Chuck got to close to the hunter’s beloved woman. Details were few, but apparently the hunters didn’t like what they saw so they shot him on spot. Couldn’t have been good. All gatherers are told from the beginning to stay away from the 2 women. Maybe he wanted a way out of this world, and knew they would kill him. How he got to her I don’t know. They are usually pretty good of at least keeping her away from us gatherers. Joe said that this couldn’t have come at a worse time because tension is already high. They sat all the gatherers down and made sure we all knew the rules again. They didn’t say death was your punishment, but I think most of us got the point. I think this community is cracking.

Jan. 16, 2020

One of the other gathers told me that curiosity got the best of Chuck. He had always wanted to know more about the forbidden girl. They said he was going a little crazy anyway. I don’t blame him, it is pretty easy to go crazy around here. Still no one is sure what exactly he did before getting shot to death. Joe has told me a lot of things, but he refuses to talk about this. I think he knows the party is over. I can see the worry in him. Things were good for the hunters for a while, but change is coming. One thing I have learned all this time is to expect the unexpected.

Mar. 2, 2020

Oh it is good to be back writing, and thinking freely. Hell to be free again. I wasn’t having any of that waiting on the hunters day and night shit. Knocking me out, and treating me like crap wasn’t going to get my loyalty. Thought I was stupid too, but I quickly figured them out. At first, I really thought they let me keep the journal because they didn’t care, or need it. Turned out they let me keep it to keep track of what I was thinking. Not surprising, they were always so paranoid. It wasn’t long before I figured out someone was reading my journal. I think they did it mostly at feeding time, and I think it was my asshole guard too. After leading me to the feeding place, he would always quickly disappear, and soon came back like he was in a hurry. Stupid bastard wasn’t a good actor. And maybe it would have been nice if someone told him that if you pick up something that you aren’t suppose to touch, you should put it back the same way you found it. So I wasn’t sure what my plan would be at first, but I decided to start writing more positive things about them. I thought the quickest way to show them I was on their side was to join the zombie-bashing club. Then I had to find a specific person who would trust me enough for me to get a little information from, and so that I could plant ideas in their heads. I actually feel a little, just a little sorry for Joe Malone. He wasn’t the worst of the bunch. He had an honest reason for hating the zombies so much. He saw them kill his wife, turn his little girl into a zombie, and then watch his best friend have to shoot her. Sorry again Joe. Back to the point. So I wrote that I wanted to hunt with them. To show I wanted to be one of them. I tried to be a good little gatherer. Did what they said, and caused no problems. Actually, I got lucky when they started fighting about leaving, and then luckier when poor Chuck basically killed himself. I kind of had the plan, but I just needed the right moment. Plus, it was an experiment that I wasn’t sure would work. I have faced death so many times already, what was one more time. Ha… I can’t lie to myself even in this journal. I was scared to death. I don’t want to die. The plan was this. With my added questions about whether to leave or not, it at least distracted my guard. He was obviously doing more thinking than usual. On the right night, I was able to sneak out of the house. I had hidden a couple of towels from when we washed down the cars that were filled with zombie blood. I left them in water so that someone could drink the blood. God I really didn’t know if this would work. I grabbed them, and took them to the young woman. Yea, what a risk after Chuck got killed. They would have killed me for sure. Without a second thought if they found me. Too bad they were having another argument that night. Plus, I noticed that they had let their guard down after killing Chuck. They didn’t think someone as stupid as I am would dare try to go near her. Wow, she was even more used and abused then I imagined. Poor lady, they really did a number on her. I didn’t have long so I asked her if she was ready to die. She didn’t say anything at first, but I could tell I put a little life in her right before I was about to take it away. Even more enlightenment when I mentioned a chance to get back at the hunters. I told her I needed her to drink this water that had zombie blood in it. Hopefully, the blood would still be good enough to turn her into a zombie. I wasn’t sure if it worked this way, or even how long this would take. I just told her to hold it in as long as possible, and then let the rage out on them. Most importantly, try to infect them as well. I am not sure she understood anything except for the dying and revenge part. I carefully approached her, but left the water just in front of her. I was really scared she may have screamed and that would have been the end of me. I backed away, ready to leave as soon as she took a sip. It took her a minute or two, but then she went right after it. Sucked it right down. I then snuck over to the gun house. I found some extra locks one day, so I hid them in the supply room. I did lots of hiding stuff, kind of like a squirrel hides nuts for the winter, weird. So I got the locks, and added them to the locks that were already on the gunroom’s door. I knew that they could still shoot it open, but the point was to slow them down. Then it was back to the house, where once again I had hid something in a special spot for me, a gun. I had it buried in the back yard. They weren’t as paranoid as they should have been. They checked the houses, but never really the yards. So I took it upstairs and waited to see if anything would happen. It seemed like forever. If this didn’t work, I would have had to come up with a different plan. One that would have been harder to pull off. I was thinking something like a gatherer rebellion. Probably a sucky plan. A death wish. Wow, I don’t know what is harder, pulling off the plan, or now writing about it. Had to take a break for a second. So I heard the arguing finally stop, and I saw someone head for the woman’s house. Oh, I was getting ready for it. So ready, I almost shot off the gun by accident. I waited and waited. What was going on in there, I will never know. Then it was go time. Out stumbled the guy. He fell to the floor motionless for a minute. No one noticed. Then he got up, and paused for a second. Oh yea, he was a zombie. He just needed to shake off the change. He did, and off he went. He ran over to another house where he took another hunter by surprise. It started off well, but what happened to the woman? She still hadn’t come out. I wasn’t sure if he killed her at some point. Looking for the woman I lost track of the zombie. Panic was starting to set in. I was starting to lose control of the plan. Then I heard some commotion, and my guard ran from the house. I just had to be patient and wait for the right time. I can’t believe I was that patient after all. I remember all the sweat that was dripping from my forehead. So I heard some gunshots. I was hoping they hadn’t killed all the zombies yet. I smashed my window open, and then began yelling “zombies at the front gate” just as some hunters were about to run to the back. I had to keep them separated. They turned around and ran to the front, and that was when I ran out the house. I went right for some of the other gathers homes. I banged on their doors, and yelled for them to come out because the hunters needed them. I told them to head for the feeding area. Too bad, it was them that were going to be the food this time. As they headed over there, out came one of the hunters turned zombies, and it was feeding time. It was full on chaos. Just what I wanted, but I had to be ready in case I ran into a zombie. All the hunters were running around not sure what to do. They saw gatherers running around, and zombies killing their friends. I ran into two of them, and I said this is why we should have left. This confused them, and they almost were going to start arguing with me right then. It was kind of funny for a second, but only a second. One of them pulled his gun, and I thought he was just going shoot me right there. Out smarting them again, I yelled “Zombie!” I was gone before they could turn back around. I thought I was in a war zone. All of the sudden gunshot after gunshot was all I heard. Time was running out for me to get out of there, but I needed one last distraction. I went to the fuel truck, and set it on fire. Now it was time to go. I jumped in one of the cars, and hit full speed. I couldn’t worry about who I saw on the way out, I just had to drive. And drive even if I had to go right through them. Kind of reminded me of all the road kill I used to see back home. In a way I feel bad, but I did what I have done all along, and that is do what is necessary to survive.

Mar. 4, 2020

I drove as far as that car would take me, and then I found the next, and the next, and the next. I don’t think anyone followed me. It was like I broke out of jail. I tried to take a route that they hadn’t gone down, but I knew I wasn’t safe until I found areas that weren’t cleaned out. I finally found some stuff to eat and drink, and get me on the way. I have no idea what I left behind. If anyone survived, I’m sure they would hunt me down just like they hunted those zombies. I can’t look back now, I just have to move forward or everything I did will be for nothing. I wish I knew what was going on out there in the world. Radios and TVs don’t work. Phones neither. I try when I find them, but no luck. The last time I saw TV was a news piece at a hospital. It started off well, but then went horribly wrong. The reporter was interviewing a guy in bed when all of the sudden a guy came flying out from the curtain behind them, and jumped on the guy. He started biting and clawing at him. The reporter tried to be brave and jump in there to save him, but that was a mistake. The reporter got thrown off the bed, and he slammed his head against the side of the table. Probably broke his neck. What I never understood was why the cameraman kept shooting. Or why they kept showing the craziness. They didn’t stop until the zombie apparently took out the cameraman. The last thing I saw was a view from the camera on the floor shooting the feet of the zombie running into the hallway. I heard one last scream, but they went back to the studio. Wow, those were two stunned newscasters. For once, they didn’t know what to say. Like me sometimes. Being all alone. Sometimes there is nothing to say. I just stare at the wall, at the sky, or into the distance. Nothing to say, do, or think. Sometimes nothing to even write about. I just stare at the page. Or sometimes I just try not to think about all the horrible things that have happened.

Mar. 11, 2020

Finally back to a city. Glad I got past all those damn little towns. I don’t know what is crazier, dealing with zombies or those insane hunters. Hopefully that will remain a thing of the past. Now I need to find out how safe it is here. So far my experiences have told me that big cities equal lots of zombies. There are usually people hiding somewhere too. I am realizing that the longer the world remains like this, the more desperate people are becoming. I guess supplies and food are starting to disappear, or people are just getting anxious about it. Maybe I can make a home here for at least a little while. I am not sure if I should go back to trying to stay in one place as long as possible, or just keep moving. I guess I will just see what this city tells me to do.

Mar. 13, 2020

No home yet. Dangerously staying in stores. Roaming streets. I can feel eyes watching me as I walk around. I am taking it slow. I don’t want to fall victim to any more crazy people. No zombie sightings yet, but I am getting that feeling again. It is only a matter of time. There are people around, and they are staying hidden for a reason. Back on the look out now.

Mar. 14, 2020

Still roaming. Nothing else exciting happening.

Mar. 15, 2020

Scored some loot today. Found old cereal as usual. Nasty old chips which will cause more stomach problems than usual. Plenty of soda. Guess people couldn’t drink warm soda. You can’t really be too picky. Got to eat.

Mar. 17, 2020

Saw some people today. Went up to this building’s door and tried to open it. They freaked out and started yelling. Once they realized I wasn’t a zombie, the craziness turned to anger. They cursed at me, and told me to get lost. They weren’t taking in any more strays. Think someone pulled a gun too, but I wasn’t going to stick around to find out. I have had enough of guns to last a lifetime. Still feel eyes watching me. I guess they aren’t so friendly around here either. What ever happened to people helping people? Oh well, I’m one to talk. I am happy to be by myself for now. Just me and my journal.

Mar. 22, 2020

It finally happened. A zombie attack. Thankfully not on me, but I was a lot closer than I wanted to be. I just woke up from a nap when I heard some screams. Nights are always more dangerous than days. I was lucky not to get caught napping. I crawled over to the window and looked out. This apartment building was raided by zombies. They apparently went through the windows. The screams were horrible. A couple of people made it out, and were being chased of course. One started in my direction, but was tackled before getting here. I got an up close look at the zombies ripping this person apart. I am not sure how they decide when to kill someone, or just wound them leading them to becoming a fellow zombie. Well, this person wasn’t going to be a zombie. They tore his legs off. One of his arms. Just biting and biting into him. Blood was pouring out. Pieces of him scattered all over the place. Not sure why they didn’t pick up my smell. Maybe because I haven’t taken a shower in a long time. Also I was going through the garbage in the morning. Garbage seems to work I guess. The zombies seemed like they got everyone because most of them strolled slowly out after the screams stopped. Not sure if those few others that made it out found safety. The way the people are around here, I doubt anyone helped them. Not that I helped either. I stayed on the look out for the rest of the night. The zombies just kind of roamed around. I am not sure what they were doing. So many of them were covered in blood. Clothes barely still attached to them. Many of them wounded. Probably how they became zombies in the first place. Sometimes you can tell the difference between the people that became zombies from being attacked, and the people that became zombies from the vaccine. I am not sure, but the ones that were attacked seem to be more aggressive. I think

Mar. 24, 2020

I spent all day yesterday on the look out for zombies. I’m kind of afraid to move from here since that massacre the other day. I don’t know where all those zombies went. As I stared outside, I was thinking about what my world should be like. I should have graduated from college. I should have a job. I should be hitting the bars looking for girls. I should be spending Sunday’s watching football. I should be able to go home and visit the family. I should be able to go to the movies on the weekends with my friends. I should be able to sit down to a nice hot meal. I should be able to take a nice long bath. I should be able to go to the store, and buy some new clothes. I should be able to use the bathroom like a normal person. I should I should I should! It is so frustrating knowing what should have been.

Mar. 26, 2020

I am writing to note that I am moving on. There is nothing else for me in this store, and I need to go look for more food. I am very concerned about those zombies. I have no clue what is going on out there. There have been many times that I thought the zombies didn’t know I was there only to find out that they were actually following me. I need to move as quickly as possible. Here I go again.

April 1, 2020

Isn’t April 1st April Fools Day? I wish someone was fooling me right now, and all of this would end. I didn’t get too far. Only a couple of blocks down. I started feeling sick again. The headaches have restarted. Damn do they hurt. It is always from the lack of sleep, and food. I am now in a pet shop, and it smells like shit. It has been a long time since I have seen any animals, but this definitely is not the way you want to see them. There are dead dogs and cats in some of the cages. Unfiltered fish tanks. A dead body decaying in the storage room. To top it off, I forced myself to eat some of the dog food. I had to eat something before my head exploded. I don’t know if it tastes that horrible because it is that bad, or because it is old and stale. No wonder why Jack never wanted to eat. This is no joke, this is a nightmare!

April 2, 2020

God I miss Jack. I got him when I was about 8, 9, maybe 10. Somewhere around there. Whether it was for my birthday, or Christmas, I always asked for a dog. Mom seemed cool with it. She had several of them when she was growing up. Dad was more hesitate. He wanted to wait until he thought I would be responsible for it. I guess he knew he would end up taking the dog for walks all the time. He was right, but he eventually loved it. He went running with Jack on weekends all the time. I was the happiest kid on the planet when my mom opened the box, and this little black creature started barking. I wanted to name him Pirate, but my mom said I was pushing my luck with that name. So instead I named him Jack after my favorite pirate. I loved kicking the ball around in the backyard, and watching Jack run after it trying to bite it. Then there was tug-of-war with the dog bones. Amazing how aggressive he could be with the bone, but no matter how close I put my hand to his mouth, he never bit me. He wouldn’t harm any of us, but he would fight to the death for us. That is why we couldn’t let him go. My parents knew it would kill me if they put Jack asleep. I know it was a tough decision for many families. I don’t know how they lived with getting rid of their dogs. It is like getting rid of a family member. A lot of people were getting sick, so I guess they did what they had to do. My dad said as long as none of us showed signs of getting sick, we would stick it out. Really sucks for the people that put their dogs to sleep, and then saw that a vaccine came out in only about a year’s time. I am sure those people were pissed. Once the vaccine came out, mom made sure that the entire family got it. Unfortunately, maybe fortunately, I could not get it. Apparently there was something in it that the doctor said I couldn’t have. I think dad still wanted me to get it, but mom said, “If the doc says no, then no.” Too bad the doc didn’t say no for all the vaccines. Mom, dad, and Violet all got the vaccine. I heard that there was something wrong with vaccines. At least that is how I understand it to have happened. I never really understood any of that science stuff. Oh man, my stomach hurts again. Damn dog food. I think it is time for someone to take me for a walk.

April 3, 2020

Rain! Oh how nice it is to see some rain. It has been a while since I have seen any rain. What good timing. This dog food is so dry, and there isn’t much to drink in here. I didn’t want to open the door, but I couldn’t resist. I put some of the dog bowls outside to collect water. I really wanted to go run in the rain and wash off, but I couldn’t risk it. It is hard to see, and hear them coming. Frank made that mistake. We were held up in this house when it started raining. Frank couldn’t help himself. He ran right out into the rain. It was all good for a while. So good that others were about to join him when all of the sudden he was gone. He never saw them coming. I don’t think anyone even heard a scream. That started a zombie frenzy. I guess they knew we were around there somewhere, but the rain was making it hard for them to find us. I don’t remember how we got out of there. I know it wasn’t until it stopped raining because I don’t remember running through the rain. Better off that I don’t remember. Too many bad memories already. This pet shop will be a bad memory for sure.

April 6, 2020

Fucking zombies. Scared the shit out of me. Minding my own business looking for some birdseed to eat when they came running by. Probably chasing someone. I froze in that spot for probably an hour staring at the windows. I have the door secured, but they could come through the windows at anytime. Finally got the courage up to look outside. Thankfully no sign of them. This city obviously has too many zombies around. I need to get out of here. Time for a plan.

April 9, 2020

Nothing complicated about this plan. Get the hell out of dodge. I am still not feeling that great, but I am not staying here. Too many weird things going on. I am making progress. In another store, but closer to getting out of this business district, and into a residential area. I can’t find a car anywhere. Looks like a lot of people already got out of dodge. Sitting here, I’m looking around. I wonder how long this store was open?  They couldn’t have sold that much. Who the hell buys all these souvenirs? All this stuff with visit this state, visit that state. Go USA! There is no more USA. They would have been better off selling stuff with the United States of Zombies. Or United Zombie Nation. Even better Welcome to Zombieville! This may be the last thing you ever read! Too bad the zombies can’t buy anything. Maybe  Finally found a dam map. This place wasn’t as useless as I thought.

April 10, 2020

Got a map, but it would be more helpful if I knew where the hell I was. I think I found the general area. Never had a sense of direction. Now I can figure out where I’m going to go. Hopefully to a zombie free zone. I wrote Zombieville at the top of the map so that way I won’t forget where I’m really at. Grabbed more pens, and an extra map or 2, and I’m ready to move again.

April 25, 2020

On the road to Oklahoma. What a struggle. Zombies didn’t make it easy. They were all over the place. It was a game of hide and seek. A few got too close for comfort, but I was able to get away. One of them must have been a football player because it surprised the shit out of me, and tackled me. Usually I have some type of weapon with me, but not this time. It was just one on one. Until I pulled out one of my pens that was in my pocket instead of inside my bag. I was able to get it out, and stab that creature. The only place I could hit it was in the side of the head. Ended up barely pinning his earlobe to his head. Note- lucky to have the pen, but doesn’t make the best weapon. It did faze him enough to knock him off of me. Their skin is nasty. It almost melts off of them and onto you when you hit them. It was really hard struggling with it, and not swallowing any of the nastiness that was dripping off of it. Anyway I got to my feet, and then picked up a chair. I whacked him in the head, and then kicked him through the sliding glass door. Then I decided what a better time then now to run a little experiment. I hit him again with the chair, and used it to shove him into the dark pool. Sink or drown? It actually was doing a good doggy paddle like Jack used to do, but it never made it to the shallow end. And I thought the pool was nasty before the zombie fell in it. I usually stand by the theory that it is better to run away when I get the chance, but I thought it might come in handy to know if they can swim. So if I die, and you are reading this right now, try pushing them into water. I know it was just one of them, but maybe it will work on others. So back to the point. After that encounter, I moved down a few houses, and found this really old Expedition. Most people stopped using anything that wasn’t a hybrid after gas got too expensive. These owners stopped using it because they were dead. Apparently they were about to leave, but the zombies got to them first. A guy, or the left overs of a guy, was all around the door to the garage. A woman’s arm was hanging from the car’s door handle. That was the only thing of her remaining except for a trail of blood leading out a side door to the garage. They had bags in the back, which I just went through the other day. The bags were just a bonus. I wanted the car, and took it before another zombie surprised me. With the keys still in it, I took the Expedition, and I used my new map to find my way out of Texas. I should have enough gas to get me to Oklahoma, which is now only a few miles away. I really just wanted to write down where I’m going and look at everything I just wrote. It’s hard when there is no one to talk to but yourself. I always feel like I have heard that story before though.

May 7, 2020

Just had enough gas to get into Oklahoma. It was a walk from there. I felt like a camel dragging along a couple of those bags. It was a scary walk because it was nothing but road and fields. Nowhere to hide. As usual didn’t sleep much. I stopped at the first house I found. I approached with caution. Before I got up to the house, what did I find? The owner sitting in the field. It was odd, but he was actually working like nothing was going on. I tried talking to him, but he has turned out not to be much of a talker. He didn’t object to me staying with him as long as I did most of the work. I guess he was tired of maintaining the farm by himself for so long. That’s ok. As long as he doesn’t think I am a slave. Not going through that again. So I have unpacked some of those bags, and made myself comfortable. I am going to keep an eye on my new friend though. Hopefully we can work together.

May 16, 2020

Now that I have Mr. Crowley to talk to, I don’t feel the need to write as much. He is cool, but quiet. So far so good. Lots of work to keep us busy. Still alive.

May 24, 2020

I can’t resist any longer. That feeling of not having to write didn’t last long. Didn’t realize how attached I am to the journal. Plus, I had to get away from Crowley today. Sometimes he’s so quiet it creeps me out. He likes watching me work a lot too. Not sure what that is all about. At least he doesn’t give me orders. I didn’t realize a farm could produce so many peanuts. That seems to be the biggest thing Crowley has been growing. And they seem to last long too. I wish I could figure out how to make some peanut butter. It has been a steady diet of peanuts. I just keep going through all these bags of them. Some are still ok while others are bad. Not sure how long they have been here. There are some other trees but they are all dead, and Crowley doesn’t seem interested in messing with them. I guess they take more work to grow then he wants to deal with. I don’t know. This is the first time I have worked on a farm. Lots of first times happening in my life. Never thought I would be growing peanuts. So much for that college education. Oh well. Well. There is a well here too. The water actually tastes good. Life is not bad for now. Better go check on Crowley. He will stay out in the field forever if you let him.

June 1, 2020

Alive to see another month begin. Unbelievable. No signs of any zombies yet. Just Farmer Max and Farmer Crowley and our peanuts. Finally got Crowley to talk. The more bored we get, the more he seems to talk. Just not when we are working. He takes that seriously. Not that interesting a guy, but a lucky one. He hasn’t been attacked by any zombies. He won’t talk about what happened to the others on the farm. Not sure if they were killed, or just left. Give him credit for staying here alone. Guess he is one of those people that refuse to leave home no matter what. I wonder if leaving home was the right thing for me to do. It was to go to college, not running away from zombies. That is still a form of running away. Ran away again after mom’s funeral. Didn’t realize until now I’m a runner. Run from zombies too. Run, run, run.

June 17, 2020

City to the farm. Farming life is not easy. I always worried how it would be working 9 to 5 at a desk. This is crazy. Working all day in the sun is not for me. Good thing there is water here. Both for the plants and me. It is so quiet out here. Quiet in the city too but it’s a different quiet. All the work has me sleeping more than I have in a while. Kind of worries me. I don’t want a sneak attack by zombies while I’m out cold. Crowley doesn’t sleep much, and is always on the look out. Just not convinced he would warn me of an attack in time. Now that I think of it, I haven’t really prepared us for an attack. I’m going to do that now before I forget.

June 23, 2020

I knew this day would be coming. Crowley and I had a big fight yesterday. He just doesn’t do enough work around here. Always watching but not working. I don’t know how he survived before I came along. I feel bad because he is older, but like I said before “I am not going to be a slave again!” We agreed or I decided that for now on we farm what ever we are going to eat. I have my side and he has his. Obviously he has more experience than I do, but I will just have to do the best I can. I have already learned a lot. This kind of reminds me of one of my college roommates. In my freshman year, it actually worked out all right. The next year was a battle. John Murphy Love. I had no love for him. I don’t think many people did. For someone with love in their name, you would have thought he would have been nicer. Forget that. Complete ass! Always thought I was using his stuff. Always complained about the TV shows I watched, or music I played. Ha, I even remember when he thought I was wearing his clothes. If being an ass didn’t detour the girls, his clothes did. I don’t even know where you buy clothes that ugly. He was just different. At times I wanted to feel sorry for him, but in the end he was just an ass. I can’t believe we actually had to divide the room. Even the frig. It was ridiculous. I couldn’t bring friends back to the room because there wasn’t enough room on my side. I am surprised that we never got into a physical fight. He had a big mouth, but couldn’t back it up. I bet he made a great zombie though. No shot he didn’t become one. It was just an extremely long year. I hope things aren’t going to be that bad with Crowley. Not sure what I would do.

July 11, 2020

You are never going to believe what happened now. I was out in the field with Crowley on his side and me on my side when I heard this commotion going on. At first I just thought it was Crowley, but it was zombies. They were running right in our direction. Before I knew it, I yelled for Crowley to run, and took off. He didn’t follow, and I felt bad leaving him alone, but I was defenseless out in the field. I turned to run so fast that I didn’t notice what the true commotion was about. The zombies weren’t coming after us, they were running from a tornado that was coming up quickly behind them. Finally, something that brought fear to the zombies. I guess it was pure instinct that they knew to run from it. I wish I had more time to enjoy their fear, but I had plenty to fear myself. Thankfully Crowley’s farm has a storm shelter. I usually kept the keys with me, but not on that day. I ran into the house, grabbed the keys and my bag, and ran to the shelter. As I stepped inside I glanced up, and saw the zombies spread out running for their lives. Their lives? Are they alive? Regardless, they definitely couldn’t care less about me. I closed the door. Crowley must have been through this before because the door was well secured, and the shelter was stocked with very old food. I had come down there once before mostly out of curiosity. I am glad I had the sense to leave all of the food down there, even if it is hard to eat. There was only a small crack of light coming in, and I curled up in the corner. Seconds later, I could hear the house getting torn apart. Poor Crowley. Both his home, and himself blow away by a tornado. I had never been through anything like that before. We had some close calls with hurricanes back home, but they never reached us. So I’m sitting here on what was the bathtub wondering what to do next? Nothing but open field as far as I can see. I could stay here in the shelter a little longer, but it isn’t going to hold me forever. All the crops are gone. Hopefully the tornado got all the zombies. Probably ripped the skin right off of them. I wish I could have seen them as they were swept up, and disintegrated by the tornado. I guess I better prepare for a walk. Man it must have sucked back in time with no cars, bikes, or even before people rode horses.

July 15, 2020

So I have begun my journey down the road, or around the road. I never imagined what a mess a tornado could make. There is debris everywhere. Trees, dirt, pieces of homes, and things that couldn’t have been from around here. I stopped to rest by one of the few trees still standing, and then saw something interesting. I looked up in the tree and there was 2 zombies, or the remains of 2 zombies just hanging there. I was right. The tornado tore off most of there skin. There was just enough left to tell they were zombies, but were mostly just bones now. I couldn’t tell, but I don’t think all of their body parts were there. Who knows where they landed? No sign of Crowley. I feel guilty for leaving him, plus we weren’t exactly at the height of our friendship. Like the others, he is just a memory now. Hopefully the only memory left of him isn’t just in this journal.

July 21, 2020

What a fool I am! All this time I’m worried about zombies killing me, but I should worry about killing myself. Maybe it was just because I was tired, but I took a misstep and fell backwards. Hit my head pretty good. I don’t know how long I was out cold. That is terrible. I was an easy picking for the zombies. Thankfully there are still no signs of them. Lost some blood. My head is partly cloudy, which is making writing hard right now. I just wanted to note the head injury in case this is it for me. I didn’t die heroically, by natural causes, or even unnatural causes. I died cause I wasn’t paying attention. Good going!

July 26, 2020

Still alive, but my head hurts so much that I might feel better being dead. I have no more medicine, not even something strong to drink. This is one of those times when you wish someone were around. They could check out my head. Feels like a good hole. Lost more blood than I thought. I checked my shirt, and it was soaked. No wonder why I passed out. Apparently I am on the road to nowhere. I haven’t seen anything. I don’t know how Crowley lived out here so far from civilization. I have walked past the mess left by the tornado. Rest time now then onward!

July 28, 2020

Not much to laugh at these days, but I amused myself today. I found this nice strong stick, and have been using it as a walking cane. Suddenly I have become an old man. It is doing the trick. When I get dizzy it helps hold me up. You just have to laugh at yourself sometimes. At this pace, I am going nowhere quickly. I checked my map and still have a lot to go before the next town. Not sure I want to go to town. Need food and supplies, but towns usually mean zombies. I am in no condition to fight them off right now. Still feel like this is the beginning of the end.

Aug. 2, 2020

In the short time I slept last night I had so many nightmares. One was that a zombie found me sleeping. I was watching him watching me sleeping. Does that make sense? Whatever. He just stood there drooling while looking at the hole in my head. He even got close up, and drooled all over me including on my wound. I guess I am a hard sleeper in my dreams. I don’t know what was stopping him from sinking his teeth into me, but even in my dreams I’m glad he didn’t attack me. He was probably as hungry as I am now. Another dream started off well. I took Violet to the movies. Then we had ice cream followed by a walk down the boardwalk. That was when it got weird. We just kept walking and walking and walking. There was no end to it. Then you hear them coming. Like an army of them. Just the sound of their feet stomping on the boardwalk, but we couldn’t tell where they were coming from. We started running, but we were going nowhere fast. Then she disappeared. I screamed for her, but nothing. The sound of the zombies charging stopped too. All I could hear was them chewing on something. Of course I feared it was Violet. I fell to my knees and screamed. That was when I woke up for the last time. I haven’t slept since.

Aug. 5, 2020

Look what I’ve found a couple of tractors out in this field. Never operated one. Sitting on top of one now. These things are bigger than I imagined. Only one of them will start. I want to ride it, but I’m not sure about keeping control of it. Also, a little afraid of falling off of it. It is transportation.

Aug. 9, 2020

So that wasn’t a good idea. Apparently all the noise the tractor made attracted the few zombies that there were around here. They came running right at it. I was able to run one of them over. I used my new stick to fend off the others from climbing up on it. One almost bit my leg. It was so close. Another got its leg run over. It fell to the floor and made a terrible sound. I think it then was going to crawl after me. Motivation! I finally got the tractor to kick into a higher gear, and was able to stay ahead of them. Again motivation! I don’t know how long they kept chasing me. Every time I looked back, they were there. Finally I looked back and they were gone. I just kept going until this thing finally quit on me. Now I’m worried because I’m on foot again, and I know there are zombies out there. Maybe I should have turned around and killed them. That just hasn’t been my strategy though. I am closer to the town now. I think. I hope. Maybe that is where they came from. Not good.

Aug. 11, 2020

Made it to town.

Aug. 13, 2020

Holding up in another store. What’s new? Apparently this is another small town. I haven’t seen much yet. Kind of just want to rest for a while. This is safer than in some bushes. Yea, I think I’m going to rest while I can.

Aug. 18, 2020

Nightmares a plenty. I can’t escape them. It’s like when I bumped my head, it jarred lose the madness in my mind. Sometimes I can remember what the dreams were about, and sometimes I just wake up with a bad feeling. In one dream I was watching dogs, lots of dogs. Then those dogs became zombies. The zombies then became dogs. Back and forth. Then they were attacking all these people. Ripping them to pieces. One second it was a dog chewing on someone’s leg, then it was a zombie. Then I dreamt I was back in that pet store looking for a new dog. Thing was all the dogs had human faces that turned zombie. I even complained to the manager. That was when I realized the manager was my mom. My confusion must have woke me up. That is the first time I have dreamt of her in a long time. Makes me remember the good old days. Just anything with the family, even in those moments that weren’t our finest. I would take them. To be

Aug. 19, 2020

Since sleeping is now more unpleasant than ever, I decided to make my way through town. A lot of dead bodies, body parts, and blood. Been decaying for a long time now. Looks like these people may not have known about the zombies, and were taken by surprise. Not a shock being out here in the middle of nowhere. Actually more bodies than I would have thought for this small area. I got what I could find, and tomorrow I’m out of here.

Aug. 22, 2020

Not many people escaped that town so I was able to find a car. A pick up truck. Probably came to town to pick up supplies. Sad knowing that they didn’t make it. I need to find people that have made it. I think I may be going nuts from the loneliness, and the nightmares. My head is killing me. That town didn’t have much. I need to find a better town than that one. Is there any safe place left to go in Zombieville?

Aug. 28, 2020

Nothing to do but think so I was just thinking about when all this madness started for me. I just got back to college after my mom’s funeral. It was too hard being at home so I decided to go back to school. Maybe it would keep my mind off what had just happened. Weird things were happening already, but nobody was really paying close attention to it yet. The point was to go to class, but I wasn’t ready for that yet. I would just sit in the room staring out the window. Then we all got an alert that there was a fight somewhere on campus, and the school was investigating. I barely paid attention to it. None of my friends really knew what happened either. The next thing I know I was sitting by the window and noticed smoke coming from the dorm across the street. Then students came pouring out of the building. They all gathered outside watching the building become overtaken by fire. I was waiting for the fire department, or police, but they never came. Some administrators were there, but they didn’t seem to know what to do. All the sudden the crowd went nuts. Yelling and screaming, and then it dispersed. There were only a few people left. I had to look really hard to see, but it looked like one person was on top of another beating the hell out of them. A couple of other people just stood there watching. At the time, I didn’t know what was happening, but I do now. It was a hungry zombie. It jumped off its victim, and latched onto one of those stupid bystanders. I hadn’t noticed, but most of the people in our dorm had evacuated. I am not sure what made me do it, but I emptied my book bag, and then filled it with everything we had in the frig. I left the building like everyone else, but wasn’t sure where to go. Still no police. School staff was hard to find. Students were just running all around. Then a few of my friends stopped me, and told me they were getting in the car to leave. I didn’t care so I went with them. Apparently I graduated that day because that was the last time I saw that school. We fought through the chaos, and made it to the car. As we were driving, we noticed no one was stopping at red lights, or stop signs. People were driving on both sides of the road, on the grass, on the pavement. I don’t know how we got to Duke’s house in one piece. His mom was so happy to see him, and she welcomed us into her house. He had to explain to her what happened. She hadn’t heard anything because it turned out she was taking care of her husband. He had become really sick. She originally thought it was the flu, but she couldn’t cool down his fever. She didn’t want to worry Duke so it was a surprise for him. Ethan and I turned on the TV hoping to find out what the hell was going on. There was nothing for hours until the emergency broadcast came on. It advised that everyone should stay in their homes until further notice. No reason why. Just stay home everything was closed. Things should be back to normal in a day or two. So much for a day or two. Never trust the government especially with the lack of details they were giving out. So we had no choice but to sit there and wait. I just kept thinking about mom, and Duke was thinking about his dad. Then his mom told us her husband had passed away. They tried to call the police, hospital, and fire department but the lines were all busy. She let Duke see his dad one more time, and then locked the door. Of course he asked me how I was dealing with the loss of my mother, and I told him I wasn’t doing a good job of it. I know I should have been stronger for him, but I didn’t have it in me. There were just too many things going on. A few more awkward days passed until we all got a real shock. We all got up but couldn’t find Mrs. Bradley. The only place we didn’t look was where her husband was. Duke found the door unlocked so he opened it, and looked inside. We were down the hall watching him. He had stepped just inside but didn’t say anything. We heard some noise, but I wasn’t sure what it was. Then Duke hit the floor. His father was on top of him. Ripping away at him. We both hesitated. Ethan took a few steps closer but had seen enough. He turned around, grabbed the car keys, and told me to get my stuff. What a way to return our gratitude for letting us stay there. We just left them to die. Again we were on the road, and it was even crazier. Cars were all over the street. Accidents. Fires. People running around. No order to anything. We only got so far before another car hit us. It was bound to happen. There was no time to argue about it. We just got out, and set off on foot. That was when this journey began. We didn’t know where to go back then, and I still don’t. Everything has gone to shit. How quickly things changed for the worse.

Sept. 2, 2020

Found another farm in the middle of nowhere. No peanuts left. Nothing really left. Except the two little girls I found locked in a room upstairs. Apparently they starved to death. There appeared to be some food that they ate, but it wasn’t enough. One was dead on the bed, and the other was by the door. Their parents must have locked them in there for their protection. Not only was it locked, but they filled the hallway with every piece of furniture they had. I guess they didn’t want anyone getting close to that room. Of course, I couldn’t help myself. I moved everything to see why it was blocked off. Could have been a dumb move. Instead, it was just sad, and depressing. Sitting here on their couch, I can see a bunch of family pictures. They were probably a happy farming family before. The 2 girls had some older brothers I think. Their father was probably a hard working man, and their mother wa

Sept. 4, 2020

Damn those little girls. That is what I get for being so curious. They weren’t dead, and the family wasn’t protecting them. They were protecting themselves from the girls. I don’t know why they didn’t move when I was up there, but they sure as hell moved when I wasn’t paying attention. I was lucky that there was a mirror on the wall in front of me. I saw one of them just in time to turn around. Usually they make tons of noise because they just come running at you, but this one was sneaking up on me. I felt bad doing it, but I turned around and smashed one of the pictures right over her head. It stunned her just enough for me to pick up the lamp, and finish her off. I grabbed my stuff, and headed for the door. As I came around the corner, the other girl came crashing down the stairs. She wasn’t as slick as her sister. Not enough coordination to handle the stairs. I passed her, opened the door half way, but then stopped. I had to kill her as well. Or maybe not. I slid a nearby bookshelf over to her, and let it fall over her legs. If she can’t walk, she wouldn’t be able to follow me. It was bad enough killing one little girl, none the less two. That is the first time I have had to kill a zombie child. It doesn’t feel good, even if she was already dead. Not to mention I had just been looking at their family pictures. This is just so messed up. Why did this have to happen? Why am I continuously put in these fucked up positions? What if someone had to do that to Violet? I   I   I would be furious, but I would have to understand. God????

Sept. 7, 2020

Why the nightmares? Those girls are still on my mind. They actually got their revenge last night. I was stuck. Couldn’t move for some reason. The one girl said, “How does it feel not being able to walk?” Then the other said, “forget not walking, he’s about to feel death!” I tried to tell them I didn’t kill them, but they just laughed. Then one jumped on me and bit into my neck, while the other went for my leg. Just before I woke up I had the feeling my mom was in the background with a grin on her face. I wish I could control when I wake up. Still not sure why mom keeps appearing in my dreams. Maybe my guilt is still inside me somewhere. Even with all this bullshit going on, I blame myself. I don’t know what I can do to fix things. Is there anything to fix? I’m stuck in the middle of nowhere. No one to talk to. No one to get advice from. I just have to keep moving. There has to be someone out there. No way in hell I’m the last man standing.

Sept. 12, 2020

Where to go in Zombieville? Anyone? Anyone?

I could head to the west. Maybe the heat of Arizombia. Maybe gamble in Las Zombas? How about becoming a star in ZombieWood? I could continue north. Maybe North or South Deadota? Could go to Indeada? How about Zennessee, or Lifeless Island? I could see if our government is still functioning in Washington, District of the Deceased.  Departware? Not so Marry-land? The big lights of the Big Apple, New Undead City.

Home. Home is where the heart is right? It would be nice to be home. Good old North Carolina. No zombies allowed!!!

Sept. 14, 2020

This is going to be a long trip. I’m not even sure how I’m going to do this. Are there enough cars left to get me home? What is the shortest route home? I am not an expert with maps. I don’t even think I have the energy for this. I got to think. So hard when my head hurts, and I can’t sleep. Oklahoma to North Carolina the hard way!

Sept. 17, 2020

Collecting things as I go. Really needed some new shoes. The only ones that I could find in my size I had to pull off a dead guy. Not my idea of shoe shopping. They smell worse than my shoes after football practice. Having a hard time finding keys to a vehicle. When I do, they are usually in a car that has no gas, or crashed and won’t start. This is going to be a long walk. So off I go. Day 1 of my mission to get home.

Sept. 20, 2020

Nights are scary out in the middle of nowhere. No shelter to hide in. Good thing I don’t sleep too long, even though I’m tired as hell. This is a long stretch of nothing but fields. I guess there is nothing out here for the zombies. Except me.

Sept. 23, 2020

Found a couple of cars that had a terrible accident. No way anyone survived. Blood all over the place. One car must have exploded. It looks like a zombie or two fed on the road kill. One of the bodies had its guts just ripped out. It is disgusting to think that what was once a human is eating a human. Is it cannibalism then? And eating it raw! I wonder why these zombies need to eat us. Why not animals? Maybe they eat animals, and I just never stick around to see it. I haven’t seen many animals around either. I wonder how long the zombies will survive once all of us humans are gone. Maybe I just need to out last them. They have to die eventually. They can’t reproduce. Or can they? That may be an even more disgusting thought then them eating people. Then having little zombie kids. I’m crazy. That can’t happen. They will die off. It is just a matter of when. Hopefully soon. Time to hit the road again. I am going to try not to think of zombie love.

Sept. 27, 2020

You can’t take things for granted. I thought it was a pain in the ass to pack up my things, put them on a plane, and go to college. Walking home is an even bigger pain. And I had a slight fear of flying. I would love to be on a plane now. I remember getting on the flight to college. I was already nervous just with the whole life change. A new state, new home, new friends. Would I make friends? Would college be hard? Would I miss home? Mom knew I was nervous. She spent the whole flight trying to get my mind off of school. She talked about the news, the stock market, and even sports. Not that she was an expert in any of those things. Then she couldn’t help but give me cooking tips. Something she did know about. Like I was going to be a cook in college. I was on one of those meal plans. I should have cooked. It would have been better than that crap. Would love some of that crap now. The plane hit some turbulence and I almost shit my pants. That was the only time I was on a plane since I was little. I thought we were going down for sure. Mom was saying it was normal, and I thought she was nuts. She said it was like speed bumps in the road, but in the air. That was probably the most scared I had been until the zombies took over. I closed the window. I don’t understand why we had to have a seat by the window. At that point you couldn’t even see the ground. We could have crashed into anything. A building, homes, the highway, one of these stupid fields, a lake, or the ocean. All bad scenarios. Certain death I told her. Then it all went away and she spent the rest of the flight making fun of me. Laugh at my expense. I would take that now. She could laugh at me all day, and night. Oh mom, I had to take the flight home alone when she passed away. She would have been proud. The turbulence didn’t get to me. I cheated, my mind just was on other things. I couldn’t care about turbulence at that moment. It was a long flight though. The flight attendant knew something was wrong with me. She kept asking if I was ok. I kept saying no. Finally told her what happened. She actually slipped me a small glass of vodka because I wasn’t old enough to drink. It looked like water to others, but it sure as hell wasn’t water. That was some strong shit. Calmed me down a little. Dad was there waiting for me when we landed. I felt like I was taking the walk of shame as I walked into his arms. I wasn’t there. I couldn’t say goodbye. I couldn’t help her. Dad gave me a big hug as I exploded with tears. The vodka had worn off. He said it was all right, but for me, it wasn’t and never has been. And I’m right. That is why she is haunting my dreams. Because I wasn’t there. It was my fault.

Oct. 2, 2020

Walking walking walking. I will be in good shape. I’m like a giraffe. Maybe more like a cow. I have been eating leaves, and grass. There is nothing out here, and I’m out of the little food I had. I’m walking and getting nowhere fast. I see a sign every once in a while, but the miles seem to never shrink. I need transportation. Call a cab. There is too much time to think. All I do is think and it is driving me crazy. I try singing but that doesn’t last long. I don’t remember the last time I heard a song. Radio went to emergency broadcast systems then just died along time ago. I haven’t even turned a radio on in any of these cars. No point. Just like the TV’s. No point. The only media is my journal. I wonder if any other survivors are documenting their struggles. If someone finds them when we are long gone, they could be part of an ugly time in history. They would probably burn them. Hide what happened. No one would want to remember this. Or they could become part of the rare evidence of what happened. Proof that this wasn’t a lie. A nightmare. And I am ruining it with this stupidity I keep writing. The things I have done, and written. Well, it’s the truth. If you are reading this it is THE TRUTH. I can’t make this shit up. PS you took too long to save us. Next time take the threat of zombies seriously.
Oct. 10, 2020

Yesterday was a good day. I decided to go a little off course and follow this sign to a lake. I needed water and a bath. Really needed a bath. It was so refreshing. It was like finding the fountain of youth. I swam around like I was just one of the fish. It was really cold, but that wasn’t going to stop me. I washed my clothes, and filled up some water bottles. Disgusting to drink, but I don’t really have a choice. Now I’m freezing. I can’t start a fire to save my life, literally. Before I forget, must make note of some smoke I have seen in the distance. I have seen it recently while walking down the road. Not sure what to make of it. Sign of people, but I have become very cautious of people. With zombies you always know what their intentions are. With people you never know. It would be nice to be around people, but that is only if they are friendly. I am going to mind my business, and continue on my mission for now. That is if I don’t freeze to death first.

Oct. 15, 2020

Not frozen. Back on the road. Getting close to a town from what the signs say.

Oct. 18, 2020

What a shocker. No one in this town either. At least none that will show themselves. Got myself some nice new pens. Some of the cheap ones go fast. Also, found a little store that still hadn’t been raided. Got some old cereal, and chips. Always exciting on the stomach. Better than grass though. You know what smells bad. Milk. I was curious and opened one, and it was terrible. Thinking I could use them to throw off my smell if zombies are on to me so I took a few of the smaller cartons of milk. If I could find a working car, I could take more of this stuff. Going to look in the morning. Dark now so I’m locked in here for the night. Hopefully I can get a good nights rest. No nightmares please.

Oct. 22, 2020

Jackpot! Found a little car, and I got the keys. Only about half a tank of gas, so I am checking the map closely to get the most out of it. Can’t waste my time taking a wrong turn, or going down the wrong path. Loaded it up, and leaving shortly.

Oct. 25, 2020

Looks like I got out of there in time. Not far down the road I noticed something in the mirror. I stopped the car to get out, and take a look. There was a huge cloud of smoke. Who ever is setting the fires must have gotten there right after I left. I thought about turning around, but decided against it. Not sure what the story is with all the fire. Is it a signal? Are they burning something in particular? Frying zombies maybe? I got back in the car, and took off before they headed this way. Not sure if they saw me. Resting for now before I get moving again. Don’t want to fall asleep again, and crash the car.

 Nov. 1, 2020

I think I got the most out of that car. Came up just short of this town. I was really hoping to make it because I have all these supplies with me. Thinking about pushing the car the rest of the way, but I’m not sure it is worth it. Don’t think I have the strength or energy for that either. Decisions decisions.

Nov. 3, 2020

Decided just to take what I need, and could carry. No way I could push that car. So back on foot it is. At least I got some rest, so I should be able to make it to my next stop without a problem. Could I find two cars in a row? Am I really that lucky? Doubt it. Not sure I’m even lucky being alive. I could be dead and resting in peace. That is if the zombies don’t find me, and snack on me. On the brighter side of things, it is starting to get cooler outside. I am going to need to find some clothes. Maybe something warmer which is usually a pain to carry around. Too warm to wear it in the daytime, but need it at night. It is so nice and cold at night that I just want to sleep forever. Can’t because the dreams, and my internal alarm waking me up to check if everything is ok, I don’t sleep too much at one time. I really need to find a better way t

Nov. 6, 2020

Is this a birthday present? People! 2 families it looked like. Family of looters. Stopped and took everything from the car I had. So much for coming back for it. I heard something coming, and hid in the bushes. Watched them as they went through the car. It is not fair, they had 2 cars. 2 vans. One had most of the people, and the other is where they were putting all the supplies they were stealing. It appeared to be 2 moms, 2 dads, 3 younger kids, and a young maybe teenaged girl. Not sure if there was anyone else still in the vans. The kids got out and stretched, while the moms watched them closely. The younger girl didn’t do much. The dads did the stealing. As soon as they were done, they all got back in the vans, and took off. I’m not sure if they were the ones setting the fires, but they have to be. What are the odds of there being anyone else out here? They could be part of a larger group, which is exactly what I am afraid of. They are out in front of me now, so I don’t have to worry about them sneaking up on me. I am going to stay off the road though. Just in case. Now it is time to celebrate my birthday. Stale chips, and nasty lake water. I thought I out grew birthdays, especially in college, but I would love to celebrate it now. A nice vanilla and chocolate cake. I could eat the whole thing myself. 2 or 3 cakes actually.

Nov. 7, 2020

What a terrible night. Chips and water didn’t mix well. Got little sleep in between throwing up and nightmares. I dreamt I had a huge birthday party. Family, friends, and people I didn’t even know. It was on a field I think. Somewhere I don’t know. Everyone seemed like they were having a good time. It was time to sing Happy Birthday. People gathered around the biggest cake you could imagine. Mom to my right, dad to my left, and Violet next to him. When the song ended, instead of people clapping, there was a bolt of lightening, and it insistently became dark. I turned and looked at mom, and there it was again. She was a zombie. Not only a zombie, but the lead zombie. She waved her hands, and laughed then everyone transformed. They were all zombies. I had nowhere to go. They knocked the cake off the table, and threw me on top. It was clear they were going to eat me, but I woke up before that could happen. I don’t remember much about the other dreams. No motivation to move on right now. Nor the strength. Looks like another day of just me and my thoughts.

Nov. 11, 2020

Can’t get into this town. The families are here. I saw the vans, and backed off. I’m on the outside looking in. Haven’t seen them light a fire yet so I’m wondering if they are doing it. They do seem to be picking up more supplies. They better leave me something. At least they won’t be taking any cars. Again moms are watching the kids closely, and the dads are at work. Haven’t seen the young girl.

Nov. 14, 2020

Families still here. They are making their way through town, and I am just following them through at a distance. They aren’t leaving much behind for me. Staying locked up at night. Finally saw them light a fire, but nothing like what I have been seeing. Probably just keeping warm. Also see dads walking around with self-made torches keeping a look out. As soon as they leave, I will look for a car.

Nov. 20, 2020

Watching these families is making me really miss being home. Not knowing what happened to my family. Not sure if I will ever know what happened to my family. Did they escape like me? Roaming around like me? Are they with each other? Violet on her own? Are they zombies? Eating people? Seeing these kids run and play reminds me of going to the park with Violet and Jack. Jack chasing other dogs around, while Violet played on the swing-set. She loved swinging. “Higher, higher to the clouds” she would always say. One time she surprised me and suddenly jumped off in mid air, and took a hard fall. I thought she broke a leg for sure. I ran over to her as she lied still for a few seconds. Then she just started laughing. I was thinking mom was going to kill me for sure so I was relieved. It was that damn daredevil of a kid that was jumping off next to her. I really wanted to yell at his parents, but I just told Violet she couldn’t do that again or mom wouldn’t let us come back. I’m sure she did it again, but not while I was watching.

Nov. 23, 2020

They don’t leave. Just hanging around. I guess they feel safe here. Not sure what to do. I really want a car, but I can’t just take one without them knowing. I don’t think they are a threat to me, but I just want to move on. I’ll give them another day or two. If not, I will be on foot again.

Nov. 29, 2020

What I didn’t want to happen, happened. I am now friends with the families. I should have left, but was just too lazy to leave without a car. Maybe a higher power kept me here. I was watching them on what was supposed to be Thanksgiving. They were celebrating, I am not sure why, and surprisingly lost track of one of the kids. I noticed the little boy got too excited playing with some toy, and was getting further and further from the group. I was in a two-story building and was going from room to room to watch him. That was when I noticed something else moving. Of course it was nothing good. I really didn’t want to get involved, but couldn’t just sit by and watch this boy get eaten. I ran door stairs, but when I got to the bottom, I really didn’t know what to do. I was weaponless. Then I realized I had the door barricaded in. No way was I getting out in time. So I smashed the window, and carefully and quickly climbed out. Didn’t need a plan at that point. Just as the zombies had picked up on the boy, they changed their direction to my noise. 3 zombs came right after me. I dodged them and ran to the boy who had now seen what was going on, but was frozen. I grabbed him and ran to a nearby car. Luck was on my side again because it was open. I pushed the boy in as he was screaming, and jumped in myself. Locked the doors. That was really a dumb move. I should have known better to get in a car that wouldn’t start. They started beating on the windows. I looked for something in the car to defend us with, but there was nothing. The boy kept screaming and was really panicking. I thought that was it. A good deed for nothing. I don’t know if I really really could have done it, but I was seriously thinking about how I could sacrifice myself for him to survive. Then I hit the horn by accident, and it worked. The zombies froze for a second, and then moved over to my side of the car as I held it down. Those were some ugly zombies. One of them was missing an eye. Some didn’t even have all their fingers. Drooling all over the window as they beat on it. Blood smearing on it too. As bad as my nightmares. I asked the boy if he was ready to run. He wasn’t listening to me. He was just screaming. I tried to scream over him, but that didn’t work. Kids have good lungs. The window started cracking and the horn was about to stop working when all of the sudden the zombs went up in flames. The fathers heard the horn, and came running with torches. It was amazing seeing the expression on the zombie’s face as it caught on fire. It looked as if it actually felt pain. I wasn’t sure if they did. I just thought they kept fighting on no matter what until you killed them. Never paid attention to their expression before. Just killed them and moved on. As the zombs flamed out, the kid jumped out of the car. I just sat inside for a few minutes kind of hoping they would just take their son and go, but they thanked me. I really didn’t want thanks either, plus they actually rescued us. It was just some instinct. Maybe the thoughts of Violet being in a similar situation. I would want someone to save her. They invited me over to their camp, but I told them I would pass. That didn’t work. They practically begged me to go with them so I did. For the last couple of days I have been with them. Learning who they are, more who they were. They seem all right, and are not with any other group from what I can tell. We have moved through the city slowly, but now is the time to decide. Do I stay with them, or continue on by myself? That may depend on me finding a car. Also, the direction they are going. They are in the same boat as I am. Just trying to survive, and looking for hope.

Dec. 5, 2020

I am still with the families. Couldn’t find the right time to leave, and there are more advantages than disadvantages of staying with them at this point. They have food, nothing much better than I find but there are no more gourmet cooks around these days. They have vans, and are surprisingly good at getting gas out of cars. One of the fathers was a mechanic. I am the only one alive that has no luck with cars. I have someone to talk too. Haven’t shared anything too personal with them. Just exchanged a few survival stories. I don’t want to get too attached. I am not sure how long this alliance is going to last. Sometimes I get the feeling they trust me, and other times I feel like they are keeping an eye on me. I guess I don’t blame them especially with the kids around. It is amazing that these kids have survived. The parents have gone to great lengths to protect them. Gives me a little hope that maybe Violet is alive. I’m sure dad would do the same for her. The kids seem pretty normal considering the circumstances. Not traumatized from what I can tell. They play a lot with the mothers close by. The only one that is odd is the older girl. She barely says anything. Kind of stays away from the group. Within safe distance. More like a follower. We haven’t spoken. I’m beginning to wonder if she is even one of their children. I just stay out of it. None of my business. They have gotten this far without me interfering.

Dec. 9, 2020

Couple number 1 is Jake, and Emily. They have 2 of the younger kids. Peter, who was the one I saved. Sort of. And their daughter Christina. They told me their ages, but I forgot already. I am so bad with that stuff. Couple number 2 is Rob and Jess. They are Rob Jr.’s parents. Never really understood why you name a child after yourself, and make the only difference Jr. The older girl is still the odd person out. I see her talking more with Jess than anyone else, but I don’t know. Haven’t had the courage to ask. They haven’t said much about her either. I hate to say it, but she is almost as brain dead as a zombie. Just sits by herself. Doesn’t do much. Doesn’t help out. We moved into another town now. Let’s see what it has to offer us. Need more warm clothing. It has been getting really cold at night. It is a good thing that Jake is able to start fires.

Dec. 12, 2020

More zombies. Yesterday we pulled right up to several of them. Not sure what they were doing besides just roaming around. As soon as they saw the vans, they kicked it into gear, and came right after us. Rob and Jake put the vans in reverse, and took off. I was glad they took my approach to zombies. Don’t mess with them if you don’t have to. We didn’t stop for long after that. Got what we could from one store, and left town. Now we are out in the fields again. Take turns sleeping in the van. I sleep a lot when we are on the move. I can’t seem to help myself. Jess told me I talk in my sleep. Not good. Hopefully I won’t say anything bad about them. She said I mentioned zombies. No surprise there. That is all I dream about. She also said I mumbled “grass” a lot. She must have meant Grace. Again no surprise as she continues to be a huge presence in my dreams. I just played dumb with Jess on that one. It is too hard to talk about. Hurts even writing about. I am happy these families still have each other, but it also hurts watching them be together. Kind of jealous. This would all be so much easier to deal with if my family was around. Maybe that is why these kids aren’t too fazed by what has happened. It is like a big road trip for them. Except for the ugly monsters. I miss you     Grace

Dec. 20, 2020

Peter has gotten over the events of the night I helped him out, and now continually wants to play. Like I am his new toy. He has quite the imagination. His favorite game seems to be pretending I am the zombie, and that I must die. At least he knows zombies aren’t good. I rather him learn I am the zombie and he must run away, but I guess that game isn’t as fun. Christina likes asking a lot of questions. Is it wrong lying to a kid? There are some questions I just can’t answer, and some that I don’t really want to talk about. I lied to Violet, but that was Violet. I knew what I could get away with. Rob Jr. hasn’t been as open to welcome me. Sometimes he joins in on kill the zombie, but I think he prefers playing with Peter alone. Could he be jealous that Peter has a new friend? It has been too long since I have been around kids. Plus the parents are still watching me. I never liked being around other people’s kids. I hated when I had to watch Violet and her friends. I never wanted to be responsible if something happened to one of them on my watch. Mom knew it too, but sometimes I got stuck watching them by default. While these parents keep an eye on me, I think they are happy to get at least a moment or two to relax.

Dec. 27, 2020

I didn’t say anything, but I wonder why they didn’t celebrate Christmas. Maybe they don’t celebrate it. Not their religion. Not sure if religion matters these days. They celebrated Thanksgiving from what I could tell, and there wasn’t much to be thankful for besides being alive. Who knows? 

Click here for year 2021: Journal: Jan 3, 2021-Dec 29, 2021