Journal: Jan 3, 2021-Dec 29, 2021

For easier reading, here are all the days in the journal from Jan 3, 2021-Dec 29, 2021
Also, follow the link at the bottom of the page to continue reading the events of 2022! 

Jan. 3, 2021

Another year. Hopefully this will be a better year. Hope: for a year where zombies disappear. Hope: for a cure. Hope: we can start rebuilding. Hope: we can get back to normalcy. Hope: to be reunited with my family. Hope: these kids have a future ahead of them. Hope: to be rescued. Hope: for shelter and hot meals. Hope: to stay warm for the rest of the winter. Hope: for a bath. Hope: to stay healthy. Hope: not to be bitten. Hope: there are other survivors out there somewhere. Hope: whoever is responsible for all of this burns in hell. Hope.

Jan. 19, 2021

Last night while we were sitting around the fire, I told the group of my desire to get back home. They seemed supportive of that idea. Getting out of Oklahoma was something they were ok with. They didn’t promise to go all the way to N. Carolina, but Jake said they were ok continuing to move east. Jess said let’s just see where life takes us. Lots can change at any moment. She is right. Maybe we will be rescued by then. Maybe there is no more N. Carolina. The only thing I know right now is that I’m staying with the group. Until?

Feb. 1, 2021

Moving along. So far so good. Getting along with the family. The kids especially. Think I’ve won their complete trust with the kids. No longer feel that eye over my shoulder. Jake is the take charge type. While everyone usually has a say, he is generally leading the way. Emily is the opposite. She is quiet. Enjoys taking care of the kids. Usually worried if everyone has eaten. Rob is a smart guy. Always looking for new ways to make use of items we find. Jess is a talker. Since I am the new guy, she has plenty to talk about with me. She has stories to tell, which I’m sure the others are tired of hearing. Much better group than those crazy military like asses. They got what they deserved.

Feb. 25, 2021

Jess told me an interesting story the other day. It was about the first time they saw a zombie. They were visiting Rob’s parents. It was a surprise visit. Rob Jr. missed his grandparents so they took the trip. Things were fine the first couple of days. Then after dinner one night, there was something knocking up against the door. Rob’s mother went to check it out, but apparently didn’t see anything at first. It happened again, and she went to the door again. This time she opened the door because she thought it was her other son. She was sort of right. It was her son turned zombie. It immediately attacked her. Jess said they were so confused when they saw what was happening. Rob pulled his brother off of his mom, but they couldn’t reason with him. He wouldn’t stop trying to fight his way out. They knew he was sick because his face was all messed up. Probably looked like he was micro waved. They choose to lock his brother in a room. Jess called for the police. It must have been at the beginning of the madness because I know we could never reach anyone on 911. She said an ambulance with 2 EMT’s, and one policeman showed up. They tried to save his mom, but it was too late. Rob’s father didn’t want to turn in his son, but Rob thought it was best. He needed help. Jess didn’t see it, but she said when they opened the door, Rob’s brother went right for his dad. The policeman and Rob had him for a second, but he got loose and then went for the cop. The cop had no choice but to shoot him. Jess said that she came running back in the house at that point. Rob had his father in his arms, and the policeman was calling for back up. She figured the cop had shot his brother. She said that just as she was about to ask if he was dead, the brother rolled over. Everyone was shocked. It appeared the cop had shot him in the chest, not the head. The cop reached for his gun again, but his brother beat him to the punch that time. Jess ran to get Jr. as Rob told his father to get in their car. When Jess came back with Jr. they all left leaving his brother behind. They couldn’t believe what happened. Jess said it was strange how Rob’s brother lived about 15-20 miles away, but hadn’t seen his parents in at least 10 years. It seemed they had a disagreement over the parents’ will. Probably wanted more money than he was getting. Not their favorite son I guess. Anyway, she said there was no car, or other transportation. They don’t know how he got there, or why after all this time he showed up. Jess said they had an interesting ride back home. The closer they got to home, the crazier the streets got. I believe that!

April 2, 2021

Arkansas! Never thought I would be in Arkansas. Is this going to be the place where we get saved? Or die? We have worked well as a group so far. Actually, Jake and Rob have done more of the work. Getting cars to work. Protecting us from zombies. I have been more like a babysitter. An older brother to the kids. This has been a refreshing experience to say the least. So busy with the kids, I haven’t had a chance to write. Actually gave them some pages to draw the other day. So if you are reading this and see missing pages, it was most likely because I gave it to the kids. You didn’t miss anything. Unless someone messed with the journal after me. Jess actually was asking me about the journal. She was shocked I took the time to write. I told her she was lucky to have the others to talk to. The journal is who I have talked to. My one true friend on this journey. Keeping me sane. Keeping my memories alive. The only thing I have to leave behind if a zombie gets me. I thought she was going to ask to read it, but she seems to respect my privacy. The kids wanted to read it. They thought it was a storybook or something. I had to lie my way out of that. I don’t think there are any kids stories here. So Arkansas. Let’s see!

April 23, 2021

Nicole. That’s her name. That is about all I have learned in the last few months. I actually asked Emily about her, but she didn’t have much to say. Said she was with Rob and Jess when the couples met. Jess told them she does better alone, so no one pays attention to her unless they have to. I just realized I don’t know how the couples came to be friends. I need to ask. Nothing going on in Arkansas, which is a good thing.

May 16, 2021

Arkansas is different from Oklahoma. Lots of mountains. We have gone over a couple. Jake is worried about driving so much. We are using a lot of gas, and seem to be getting nowhere. My map doesn’t exactly show us a good way to avoid these mountains. We are spending a lot of time in the woods too. Less chance of zombies out here, but you never know.

June 1, 2021

Dodged a bullet yesterday. Literally! Some crazy old guys living up on this mountain. They didn’t take kindly to strangers. I guess they thought we were going to steal their stuff. I’m glad they didn’t steal any of our stuff. They fired a couple of shots that were close. Rob wanted to ask for some directions at the least, but they wanted no part of us. They wanted us to leave in a hurry. They were screaming something about us having a disease too. None of us are zombies, but they weren’t willing to risk it. They obviously had some of their own zombie experiences. The other bad part was that since they didn’t let us pass, we had to go back down and around in a new direction. Jake was not happy about the wasted gas.

June 9, 2021

Things not getting any better. Thought it was. I have enjoyed some of the rain we have gotten. Good water to drink. Able to clean off. But it also caused a problem. With the wet ground, Jake crashed one of the vans. No one got really hurt. A bump and bruise here and there. Good thing we didn’t slide off a cliff. They have tried, but it doesn’t look like they are going to be able to fix it. We have been preparing to ride in one van. That is going to be a packed house with all the supplies. I think we are going to have to leave some stuff behind. They wouldn’t leave me behind instead? No, a good babysitter is hard to find, especially these days.

June 15, 2021

My mom just won’t leave me alone. Haunting my dreams again. Ruining my memories. I could see her ordering zombies to hunt me down. Escape one then she would appear ordering others to get me. I must have really let her down. I accept this punishment. If they never got Jack for me, they wouldn’t need the vaccine. It was mostly for dog owners. There is an outside chance they could have gotten it any way, but still. With a dog comes responsibility. You need to feed it. Take it for a walk. Give it a bath. And most of all love it. That is what mom told me after giving me Jack. I did some of those things for a while. Then it was mom that feed and bathed him, and dad that walked him. I loved him. That I did all the time. Easiest thing to do. We all loved him. That was the problem. Couldn’t get rid of Jack. It would have been like mom getting rid of me, or Violet. Vaccine was the only choice. And mom paid for it. Hopefully it did not take dad, and Violent too. Not sure I could deal with knowing I was responsible for my families death. Knowing I killed mom is all I can handle right now.

June 16, 2021

I thought about it all night. Didn’t get the vaccine. Didn’t get the disease. Still alive. Mom got vaccine. Died. People that didn’t get the vaccine. Died. People that got the vaccine. Died. Doesn’t make sense. How is it fair? What were people supposed to do? They died either way. Difference is some became zombies. Some didn’t. And me. How am I alive? My only guess is that Jack never got the disease. So they didn’t need the vaccine. This just gets harder and harder to swallow. I should just focus on the kids. They are a sign of hope. 

July 3, 2021

Finally made it to a city. A small one, but it is nice to be out of the woods. Watching out for more crazy people like the ones up in the mountain. We are short on gas, and supplies so we are really looking carefully for stuff. It would be nice to get a second car again, but not sure they want to do that since it is has been hard to find gas. Kids are great. Jess says I have been talking in my sleep a lot. Zombie dreams every time I close my eyes. No matter how happy I try to be with what is going on, and with the kids. It is all zombies when I sleep. I guess it is better in my dreams than in real life.

July 6, 2021

We were driving along when Emily noticed this little park. She thought it would be a good idea to let the kids get out and play. The guys weren’t so sure of that, but they realized they have to let the kids do normal stuff as often as they can. Keep up the road trip theme. They stopped, and I went with the kids to play on a swing set. The parents actually made a picnic out of it. They sat, ate, and enjoyed the breeze. While keeping one eye open of course. Again it reminded me of Violet. Going to the park. On the swing set. Running around chasing Jack. I’m happy with the kids, but sad at the same time. I kind of ruined the mood when I started crying. First time in a while. Surprised I don’t do it more often. Shockingly, it was Nicole that came over to me. She didn’t say much. She just hugged me until she knew it was a good time to let go. She looked at me like she knew all to well why I was crying. I could see it in her eyes. She had pain that was similar to mine. We haven’t talked, but in that moment, it felt like we had known each other for years. It was a strange feeling. After I got over my moment of weakness, it was back to the kids. I just tried to make sure they had a good time. Be strong again. Time to build up that strength again.

Aug. 19, 2021

I have seen zombies kill many of my friends. Other survivors that I was with, and befriended. People I didn’t know. But what happened the other day is something I may never be able to erase from my mind. It all happened so fast. Really that was the only way it could happen. We had been a pretty careful group until that moment. We had moved further into this city. It turned out to be one of the bigger cities I have been in for quite some time. Big cities equal big danger. And that is what we got. Jake noticed a sign for an airport so we decided to check it out. Could any of us fly a plane? I don’t think so. I guess we were hoping there was someone who could, and they would still be around. Dumb now that I think about it. At the time, it was just a move by desperate people. We all got out and looked around. It was a smaller airport. There were some planes still there. I went out on the strip to check out the planes. Rob and Jake went to look in the hangers. The women took the kids inside. Then   then it   it was like a prison for zombies. I don’t know how long they survived there, but they were there. I am not sure if it was Jess and Emily that screamed first, or Jake and Rob. It seemed to happen at the same time. Jake and Rob had opened a hanger that was full of zombies. They didn’t know it until the door opened too far to close it in time. They came running and yelling for everyone to run. Zombies started streaming after them. As that was happening, a chair came flying out of the building window. Emily soon followed falling from the 2nd floor. I had just started to run in that direction so I ran up to her. If I hadn’t seen it myself, I don’t think I would have believed it. Peter was tightly in her arms. She had fallen on her back to brace the fall for Peter. It could have been luck, but I rather think of her as a hero. Blood was already flowing from the back of her head. She wasn’t   I tried  Zombies then started jumping out of the window. I yanked Peter out of his mom’s arms, and began to run with him. When Peter and I were trapped in that car, I didn’t think he could scream any louder, but I was wrong. He must have screamed twice as loud when I pulled him away from his mom. I feel bad for him. There was no time to stop and say good-bye. As I came around the front, Nicole pulled the van up to the front. After I shoved Peter inside, I turned and looked inside to see Jess fighting off zombies with Rob Jr. behind her. Again, I just wanted to get in the van. This was one of the reasons I would rather be on my own. If there were zombies, I would just run and not have to look back. But I looked back this time. I ran inside but before I could help them, zombies were coming at me. I was picking up anything I could to fend them off. Jess was doing the same. I finally made my way to her. She told me we had to get the kids out of there. We were on the same page for a second until I realized she said kids. Then I looked down and saw Christina. She had several bites on her, and lots of blood. I couldn’t tell if she was alive. I hate that I even had the thought, but it didn’t matter at that point. At least not to me. At that moment. She had been bitten. If she was still alive, she wouldn’t be one of us for much longer. I was in no position to argue, so we just fought our way closer and closer to the door with Jr. in between us, and Jess dragging Christina. As one zombie would go down, there would just be another one to replace it. It was starting to take a super human effort to keep up the strength to fight. A super human effort that wasn’t good enough. At some point, I guess Jess realized we wouldn’t make it dragging Christina, or that she was no longer with us. She let her go, and that allowed us to get a little closer to the door. Then Jr. ran for it. I know I didn’t tell him to. I don’t know if Jess did, or he just panicked. As soon as he went out the door, a blur came by and he was gone. Like when a bird comes swooping down, and snatches its prey. I didn’t know if it was one of the fathers or a zombie. Unfortunately, it wasn’t a father. I spun Jess around and told her to go for it. She ran and I tried to distract as many zombies as I could. How I am not a zombie right now, I don’t know. I couldn’t make it through the door after Jess because several zombies followed her, but stopped at the door when it closed. They couldn’t get out, and neither could I. The only way out was a window. Unlike Emily, we were on the first floor so I didn’t have to jump. The problem was breaking the window because everything I could get my hands on was used to hit a zombie. I don’t know what I got, but I finally broke a window and went through it. Cut myself good on all the glass. Just as I turned to run, I saw zombies leaning over something. Not something. I knew it. There was nothing I could do at that point. I ran around the corner, and the fathers were having a hard time fighting off zombies, and trying to get Jess in the van. She kept screaming for Jr. I helped Jake as Rob finally got her in the van. Then he wanted to stay and look for Jr. too. Jake told him to get inside and they would drive around to find him. It would be safer. It just wasn’t the moment for me to tell him. I just agreed. We were all able to get in the van. Nicole started driving, running into, and over all the zombies that came running at the van. Jake turned to anger, as he started screaming at Nicole to run over each and every one of them. She was just trying to circle around to look for Jr., but Jake was going nuts. Rob and Jess were frantically looking out the windows for any sign of their son. Me I had nothing left. Emotionally. Physically. I just was there. Screaming crying arguing was going on around me, but I turned blank. It was too much for me, and it wasn’t even me that lost family. They were the closest thing I had to family at the moment. Those kids. The children I had been playing with for months now. Like a babysitter. I felt like the bad babysitter that lost a child. Took the child to the park and let someone run off with them. Then had to face the parents. Actually haven’t done much of facing them since. Kind of why I have returned to the journal. Not much talking has gone on since. It took them a little longer, but they are now as emotionally, and physically drained as I was when we got in the van. I am not sure what is going to happen now. Nicole used up most of the gas driving as far away from the airport as she could. We are back in the middle of nowhere. The most anyone has done is cry. It is going to take some time to heal. If we can heal. 

Aug. 22, 2021

No one is moving. We are just here. Still in shock. They are gone. Rob Jr., Christina, and Emily. The latest victims of the zombies. Fucking zombies. Everyone is fair game for them. Children. How could they  Sometimes I feel sorry for the zombies. They were people at one time. I would like to think as people they won’t do harm. They were good before this sickness took over. But this time there is no sorrow for the zombies. They should burn in hell. Actually hell is to good for them. Left Jake without a wife. Without his daughter. Rob and Jess without their son. Two families. One giant tragedy. I have no idea how it feels to lose a son, a daughter. But I feel horrible. Is this my fault? They were doing fine without me. Is it because I wanted to go home, and they chose to come with me? This maybe the end of this group. I don’t know how everyone gets past this. Not sure how they will have the strength to continue on. Especially Rob and Jess. They probably lived and fought to survive for Rob Jr. The reason for their existence is gone. Jake needs to be strong for Peter. Poor Peter. Dying in his mom’s arms. He will never forget that. No matter what happens from here on out. The only person unchanged by this is Nicole. She was sad before this happened, and sad now. I just wish she would talk about it. Let it out. Cry like everyone else.

RIP Rob Jr.
RIP Christina
RIP Emily

Sept. 1, 2021

I figure I will ask Jess. I am closer to her than any of the others besides the  I think I should leave the group. It is just too hard for them to move on right now. As hard as it is for me, I need to continue on my mission. They aren’t going to go to NC now. Rob and Jess don’t even have the motivation to live any longer. I knew this was a possibility when joining the group. I can’t deal with this. My own issues are hard enough to deal with on top of all the zombie bullshit. I’m sure the guys will be mad if anything. Think I am just running from the problems. Say I never cared. I would wish they wouldn’t think that, but there is not much I can do about that. Arkansas has proved to be a challenge so far. Not going to get any easier by myself, but I got to do what I got to do.

Sept. 5, 2021

I was right. I could see the anger in their eyes, but surprisingly they didn’t say anything. It isn’t worth it at this point. Jake thanked me for saving his son. I told him to take care of him. It is them against the world now. Peter cried. I guess it doesn’t help him losing another person in his life. I told him to be strong for his dad, and never forget his mom. No matter what. Jess said I was welcome to stay, but I could tell somewhere in her she knew this had to be. Rob didn’t say much more than goodbye. Still hurting. No one is to blame. We are all trying to survive in a new world. Sometimes the zombies win. Sometimes we win. Nicole and I just exchanged looks. Didn’t get to know her, but I know we are a lot alike. Maybe she will leave the group one day as well. 

Sept. 9, 2021

Well, it is just you and me again journal. I felt like I was taking the walk of shame leaving the group. It is weird being on my own again. So quiet. I miss them already, but I have to get them out of my mind and move on. It is the only way I will make it. I need to focus on where to go next. Carefully moving through the woods. I really need to find a landmark, or maybe some signs to figure out where I am. Then I can really get going. Oh journal, if you could only tell me where to go. If you only had all the answers.

Sept. 16, 2021

So this is a new one. I found a small boat that got stuck on some debris by the side of this river. I expected to find a dead body in it, but it was empty. Thinking about going for a cruise down the river. Never been much of a sailor. If you even call it that. Dad took me out on the lake a couple of times trying to do the father-son fishing thing. He wasn’t much of a fisherman. We had some fun times figuring it out though. Got at least 2 hooks in his hand every time. I think he hoped that we wouldn’t catch anything because he hated trying to take the hook out of the fish’s mouth. I wasn’t a fan of that either. He got his wish. We barely caught anything. Definitely nothing worth taking home and bragging about. Flipped the boat once too. Oh that was fun. At least I thought so. Dad was so embarrassed when some other boaters came along to pull us out of the water. They helped pull the boat into shallow water so that we could flip it back over. Lost everything that was inside. Nothing important. Except I think dad’s work phone. He was just glad we weren’t hurt. He told the guys that we flipped because we were trying to pull in a big fish. I don’t know if they believed that story. I’m sure we looked like we didn’t belong. We really should have been in front of the tv watching some football. A comfort zone for us both. Mom couldn’t stop laughing at us when we got home. She told dad that was going to happen one day. Dad wasn’t amused at first. Then it was all laughs from there. He was actually brave enough to take me on the water one or two more times. I don’t remember exactly. Hopefully I will have better luck.

Sept. 18, 2021

That was an adventure. Some parts of the river were rough, while other parts I just coasted. Kind of scary not knowing what was coming up ahead of me. I was thinking about those cartoons, or movies where everything is good until someone yells, “waterfall!” Almost flipped but didn’t. Saw some fish. I think that is the first time I have seen any kind of animal in a long time. Wish there was a way to catch one. Fry that sucker up. At least I have some water. Tied the boat up now that the sun is about to set. Not sure if I should sleep in the boat, or find a spot in the woods. Boat leaves early in the morning.

Sept. 24, 2021

It is amazing the positions I keep ending up in. I was making my way down the river when this terrible smell filled the air. For sure it had to be from something that was dead. I have smelled dead zombies. Dead people. This was similar. It was so terrible that I couldn’t help but have to take a look around. I paddled the boat over to the side. I got out to take a look around. It wasn’t long before I found where the smell was coming from. Dogs. Dead dogs. Tons of them. They were scattered everywhere like a bomb went off killing a city of dogs. It was hard to take the smell and sight, but I followed the trail of dogs to a house. The trail was nothing compared to the piles and piles of dog carcasses all around the house. I carefully went inside. That is where I found Roscoe. His time is running out. He can barely get out of the chair. Sure as hell surprised him. Roscoe spends days at a time just sitting in the chair with dead dogs all around him. He had no problem with me being there. I actually ended up giving him some water just so he could talk. He told me to stay the night and he would take me for a tour in the morning. I will probably end up dragging him around. I tried to ask him about the dogs, but he said in the morning he would answer any questions I had. Very odd, but I have decided to stay. Curious about the dogs. Seems like a safe place to stay the night. Can’t escape that smell though. I’m sleeping upstairs. With more dogs. Don’t think he has been upstairs in a long long time.

Sept. 25, 2021

What a house of dog horrors! There are doglegs, paws, snouts, teeth, hair, guts, and anything dog all over the place. Some of it has been here so long that you can’t even tell it was from a dog. Flies, worms, maggots and whatever else came along must have had a feast. Plenty of bones stripped of its flesh. Places where dogs were burned. Places where they were chopped up. Boxes of dog tags, and collars. Just a massacre. A “dog slaughter house” as Roscoe called it. It is hard to make out all of his mumbling, but the story is that his farm just wasn’t cutting it. He was barely making enough to feed his family, nonetheless the animals. That was when someone approached him about catching stray dogs, and killing them. Behind the scenes. Either the city, or some nearby towns wanted him to get rid of as many dogs as he could. Fear of the disease. Government scum. Leave it to them to be behind something so awful. It appears this farm was just far enough out of the way that no one would pass by to see what was happening. Roscoe must have been paid nicely, or was just that desperate. Also apparently clueless to why they wanted the dogs dead. Roscoe, his two sons, and a few of his workers went around the nearby towns picking up as many dogs as they could. As long as no one saw them, they could do whatever it took to take the dogs. He said the more vicious dogs were killed right away. Most likely shot in the head. The smaller ones were just left in cages to starve to death. Loud ones were also killed. I think he said they would even break in pet shops to take the dogs. Not sure about that. I know in our area they stopped allowing pet shops to sell dogs, but they seem to handle things differently here. They burned some of the bodies. Others they chopped up, and buried. Sometimes they would let the dogs kill themselves. Lock dangerous ones up with nice ones. Big ones with small ones. They obviously had nothing better to do. Then they got what they deserved. One of his sons got sick. Died. The disease got him. Feel sorry for him, no way! Roscoe didn’t stop even after the vaccine came out. Said they didn’t believe in the vaccine. The only vaccine was ridding the area of dogs. Too bad his workers felt differently. One of his workers was attacked and killed. They just buried him like the dogs. They didn’t know it, but he wasn’t dead. Zombie. He probably had taken the vaccine and no one knew it. Not sure how long he had been dead before Roscoe said he came back to life. He attacked one of the other workers, and Roscoe’s other son. Both became zombies. Roscoe shot them all. Sick bastard still has what is left of their bodies. His sons are laying in one of the barns, and the workers are out in the field. Can’t believe he actually wanted me to see that. He said he went nuts after that, but I think he was nuts way before that. Of course, he blamed everything on the dogs, so he moved from just killing them to torturing them. Electrocuting. Drowning. Cutting off parts and letting them bleed to death. Let some of them mate in order to have more dogs for him to mess with. Again, I don’t think he went that far. He’s nuts but not that smart. Dogs probably just mated on their own. Too bad they didn’t know what was in store for their puppies. He also had pictures. I saw the first couple and that was all I could bare. It was hard listening to, and seeing all that. I kind of wanted to cut him up right there. But I think he has been somewhat punished. Nothing left. Sons dead. Farm finished. Living with the reminder of what he started all around him. After torturing so many of them, he didn’t have the energy left to do anything more with them. He turned a bunch loose, and left others to die. He then did something even crazier. He started eating them. He has been here just eating dogs ever since. It has been so long since there was a dog fresh enough to eat that he has been here just rotting away. Next time something smells funny, I am just going to ignore it. I am not sure what I was expecting but this was not it. The old man is on his own. In the morning I am out of here.

Sept. 28, 2021

I needed a bath. I dove in the river after paddling away from that mess. I had to wash off that smell. I wish I could wash away what I saw, and heard as well. He won’t last much longer. No strength. No dogs to eat. Too old now. And I don’t think he cares. I just need to paddle as far away as I can. The further I go, the more I can think about something besides dead dogs. Oh Jack, never never never would I have ever let anyone do that to you. 

Sept. 30, 2021

Got as far as I could on the boat. The water got too rough for me. I also need to get out and walk. I need to figure out where the hell I am. Hopefully I am getting close to a road. Walking through this wooded area is really hard on my feet. Tiring too. I miss traveling in the van. Much easier. And I didn’t have to drive. Got to catch up on sleep. Jess telling me I would talk in my sleep. The kids waking m

Aug. 2, 2021

Not feeling too great. Coughing. Headache. Sick to the stomach, but not much worse than usual. Not getting far. Just weak. Need to rest.

Aug. 4, 2021

I think I have a fever. Sweating more and more. Almost used up all my water. I’m kind of stuck here. Too sick to go anywhere, but I’m going to need more water. Hopefully I didn’t catch anything from the dogs. I thought I was immune to that. I don’t know I can’t

Aug. 6,


If this is the end just end it now 

Oct. 14, 2021

I made it through. Haven’t been that sick in a long time. I think it is past me. Sweating it out is tough. Can’t take medicine for granted. Extremely lucky that no zombies came by. That would have been the end of me. An easy dinner. Hopefully this doesn’t have to do with the dogs. I was thinking about how people reacted when this dog virus was spreading around. Nobody would believe it at first. Getting sick from your dog was ridiculous. Then it happened more and more. Too much of a coincidence that most of the people to get sick first had dogs. Boy did people take it seriously once people started dying. A shame it took so long for people to pay attention. Then it was like lockdown. If you sneezed, people would run for the hills. If you got sick, you weren’t allowed at school. Work sent people home. One of the funniest things was how if someone knew you had a dog, they wouldn’t even come close to you. As if they never knew you. Some schools, and businesses turned people away if they knew you had a dog. Nuts. The panic that spread. Some people treated it like the plague all over again, but there was still some that wouldn’t believe. Just went about their business. Fools like Roscoe. People couldn’t have been happier once a vaccine was made. People flocked to doctors’ offices. Health facilities. I remember seeing news coverage of it. Lines and lines of people. If it is true about the vaccine then that must be why there are so many zombies. I guess we were screwed either way. Going to rest some more and hopefully get moving soon. Lost time sitting here dying.

Oct. 16, 2021

Funny. I couldn’t remember if I wrote anything while sick so I was just checking it out. I screwed up the dates. If I’m gone and you are reading this you must be like “how in the hell did he just go back a month?” Sorry, as you know, I wasn’t feeling well. It doesn’t matter since most of the dates in here are just guesses. I lost track a long time ago. No watch. No calender. No normal routine. Too much going on. Hard to keep track. The temperature kind of helps. If it is cold, must be winter, hot maybe summer. It has been harder traveling through Oklahoma, and now Arkansas. I’m not familiar with how the temp is so I might be off by even more now. It took a while to get used to not knowing the time, and dates. Everything in life is so scheduled. For me, all I knew was school. It was wake up. Classes. Study. Meal times. Sleep. Over and over. Time here and there for friends. Classes in the fall, winter, and spring. Then summer break. Holidays come and go. Be here at this time, be there at that time. Now it is be wherever whenever I want. Going and coming doesn’t matter. Holidays don’t matter. The only clock that is ticking is the one on my life. Who will survive longer the zombies, or me?

Oct 20, 2021

While lying there sick as hell, I actually thought that I might die. It wasn’t the first time. But this time I actually had time to sit there and really think about dying. All the close calls with zombies, especially with what happened at the airport. I realized that if I died, which could be at any moment, I wouldn’t get a chance to say goodbye. I think I said some goodbyes, but I’m not sure. I want to be sure, so here are my goodbyes:

Mom: I know I said goodbye already, but I have to do it again. My guilt for not being there. My guilt because Jack was mine. My guilt for not getting the vaccine like the rest of the family consumes me. I know that is why you come to me in my dreams. I wish I could take it back. Stupid little boy had to have a dog. You are such a wonderful mother. Doing what a mom is supposed to do. You took care of us all. Putting our needs in front of yours. Bent over backwards working and taking us wherever we needed to go. Rushing us to school, and picking us up. Always making sure we were on the right track. Supporting me leaving for college instead of staying home. Making sure we had everything. And taking care of dad on top of everything. You always said it was easier taking care of us than him. I just wish I had the chance to make you proud instead of killing     Goodbye

Dad: I hope you are still out there somewhere. Fighting for Violet. Taking care of her. Protecting her from the evil. I know you would do whatever it takes to keep her alive. I wish I was there fighting by your side. Actually, I really wish we were sitting in front of the tv watching a game instead. I’m sorry to have taken mom from you. You know I wish it had been me 100 out of 100 times. I should have stayed home instead of running back to college. I abandoned you and Violet looking for the easy way out. It wasn’t like I accomplished anything at school after that. I know you were looking forward to me graduating one day. I wish you had that opportunity. I would have walked proudly for you. Goodbye

Violet: Best sister a brother could have. While lots of brothers and sisters spent time fighting, we always seemed to bond. I’m sorry you never got a real chance to experience the world before it turned for the worse. Kind of sad I never really got to do the whole protective brother thing. Maybe that was for the best. I know dad is protecting you now. If I was there, I would do the same. I’m sorry I took mom from you. I wouldn’t blame you if you were mad at me forever. Just know that mom and dad love us no matter where they might be right now. I love you as well sis   Goodbye

Grandma/pa: Thanks for always spoiling us kids. You didn’t have to do that in order for us to visit. Summer vacations at the house were always great. It was good to get away from things. Mom was right, best breakfast in NC morning after morning. Grandma and Grandpa Logan, I’m sorry for taking your Grace from you. No parent should bury their child. Staring out the window at college, I kept thinking about how I could never look you in the face again. Right now, I would do anything for one more minute with you guys. I am sorry. Grandma and Grandpa Wagner I wish I got a chance to know you. Dad told me about how happy you were to have a grandson. I am sorry you never got to meet Violet. You would have loved her. I am sure you are resting in peace, which is better than most these days. Goodbye

Jack: It is not your fault Jack. The blame is mine more than anyone. I don’t even think you had the disease. You will always be my best friend. A boy and his dog. I will always remember our days at the park. Playing catch. Fighting for the bone. Sitting there just petting and petting you. You will always be a true Wagner. Goodbye

Friends and family: I hope things worked out better for you all. Maybe there is a safe place out there somewhere, and you all made it there. It probably isn’t the life you expected, but at least you have a life. Live it to the fullest. The best you can given the circumstances. For those still on the run, hopefully the zombies won’t find you. Be safe. Fight. Survive. Goodbye

Friends I have lost on this journey: You all deserve a personal thank you because I wouldn’t have made it this far without you. Each of you have contributed to me surviving until this point, and in the end, I hope it turns out to be worth it. Know I did my best. For some, I know I was a chicken. I wish I could have helped more. In the beginning it was tough not knowing what was really happening. So many of you filled me in on what the zombies are. Where they came from. How to kill them. How to survive. Many of you risked your life for someone you barely knew. You are all heros in my book. I hope to return the favor to more along the way. I guess some have to die in order for someone to survive, and preserve what we have left. Goodbye

Oct. 28, 2021

I knew they were out here somewhere. All these woods and no zombies. No way. 3 of them. I saw them yesterday while resting by this ledge. They appeared to be looking for something. I’m not sure if it was me or not. They didn’t smell me up there so that is a good sign. Maybe there is someone else here. Who knows? I just have to be extra careful now. I really need to get out of these woods. There seems to be no end to them. I also need to find a weapon. Not sure I’m fully recovered and ready for this, but I have no choice. Zombies aren’t going to care what condition I’m in.

Oct. 31, 2021

Halloween night tonight. Scariest night of the year. I will be out here under the moon in a forest with zombies roaming around. Scary enough for me. The older I got the more I hated Halloween. Mom has a bunch of pictures of me dressed up when I was little. She loved showing them to people and embarrassing me. Good thing there was less of that once they started dressing up Violet. I had to be a good sport about Halloween for her sake. God I could go for some candy about now. Hopefully I don’t become candy for the zombies tonight.

Nov. 2, 2021

I feel like someone is watching me. I could be paranoid after seeing those zombies. I have to assume they are after me, or I won’t be ready for them. Have slept even less now. Every sound in the forest has me jumping. Sometimes it is too quiet. Sometimes too noisy. Only found some sticks as possible weapons. This is frustrating, but I need to keep it together. 

Nov. 9, 2021

I assumed zombies were stupid. Just driven by their hunger. But I could swear these zombies were hunting me. They seemed to be pushing me in a certain direction. They usually just charge at you, but these zombies were taking their time. Making sure I knew they were there. I thought I was ok because there were only three of them, but to my surprise, and almost my death, they led me to a fourth zombie. They had me trapped. They directed me into this tight patch of trees, and down a small hill. Pretty much a dead end. Apparently it was a dead end for some. There was blood all over the ground. Blood on the rocks that blocked any exit, and some on the side of trees. The fourth zombie was just there waiting for me. Hiding until I had made it all the way down. I couldn’t go around him anyway because of the huge rocks. No way I could scale them. The other three closed quickly in on me so that I couldn’t turn and run. As I looked up at them, I remember thinking that maybe saying my goodbyes was a bad idea. Made it was easy to kill me now that I made my peace. My first instinct as always is to run, but this time they were ready for that. The only place to go was back up through the 3 of them. I had 2 sticks with me, but I knew that wasn’t going to last. I reached down and picked up a rock. As soon as I moved the fourth one came at me. Now that I think about it, I think he wanted to scare me back into the other three. Good thing I didn’t fall for that. I threw the rock at him, and then hit him with one of the sticks. Shitty stick. Cracked right away. I should have stabbed him with it, but dumb me just dropped it. I turned around and the three started to come at me. 1 stick vs 3 zombies. I hate guns, but man does it make it easier to protect yourself. I hit the first one that came at me with the stick, and again it broke. I don’t know where I got the idea from, but I then charged at another one with the remaining piece of the stick. I rammed it right in its stomach, and pushed it back into a tree. I guess I hoped to pin him to the tree, but there wasn’t enough stick left. It did knock him over. I turned around and took my backpack off. I threw it at the next one that came running at me. I think I was aiming at his chest, but I hit him in the leg causing him to trip. I took the opportunity to grab a rock and bash it over the head. I grabbed my bag just in time to use it as a shield as one of them jumped at me. I remember being knocked down the incline that we were on, but not where the zombie ended up. I did land by some more rocks that I just began firing at them as fast, and hard as I could. I have no idea how many times I actually hit them, but I got one of them real good. I don’t know where I hit him, but he fell right over. With two down, it was now or never to run. I was so tired at that point that I really wasn’t sure I would be able to out run them. I faked one way then went the other way. Making it up the hill was hard enough. I looked back and they were right behind me. I should have stopped and threw something at them, but I just kept going. They were having a hard time climbing the hill as well. Not sure if zombies get tired. I ran through the tight patch of trees until finally the forest opened back up. If there was ever a time to stop and think it was then. Too bad they weren’t far behind me. So what did I do, I found another stick, and climbed a tree. Sounds dumb, but it didn’t turn out too bad. I couldn’t run anymore, and if I stopped that would have been the end of me. At first they kind of circled around unsure of where I went. They knew I was close, but they just couldn’t figure it out. I sat quietly trying to catch my breath while watching them. Even though their faces were all messed up, something told me these zombies used to be people from around this area. Probably hunters because they were good at it. I also saw that they were actually smelling around for me. I used to disguise my smell when I was told more than once that they had an excellent sense of smell. Better than when they were humans. I was never sure that was true, but now I believe. Maybe their nose bothered them seeing that it looked like it was about to fall off, but I rather think that they were smelling. Not sure how long I was there before making the sound that would give me away. I knew that was coming. When they saw me they got instantly recharged and did their best to try to climb the tree, but they were struggling big time. I couldn’t help but laugh at them. I mean, it was actually funny watching them bust their ass falling out of the tree. I think I was even laughing out loud at them. Maybe taunting them. Who knew zombies could be that entertaining? After I had my fun, I knew I had to end this before they finally learned to climb, or I took my turn busting my ass. It has happened before. Not many people around these days to laugh at my expense though. I took the stick and carefully moved down the tree. I found a good spot to stop where I could take a good swing at them. As I climbed down, they were even more eager to climb up. I hit them as hard as I could from the position I was in, but it wasn’t enough. I was hoping they would fall on their heads, break a leg, or something, but that wasn’t happening. Just kept getting up, and the stick became useless. Dam zombies. I then broke a branch into 2 pieces, waited, and then jammed the pieces into one of the zombie’s ears as hard as I could. Almost took me out of the tree. It hit the floor, and stayed down. Once again I turned to my trusty backpack. I took it off, and waited for the zombie to get close. I took the strap, and tried to get it around its neck. Wasn’t easy. Swung around the back of him, and braced for him to fall. I held on to the pack and tree when he tried to turn, and fell. I had him hanging by the neck as long as I could before letting go. When I dropped him, I slid back and hit my head on the tree good. Almost fell. Both of them weren’t moving so I climbed down, and made sure they were dead again. I was finished once I finished them off. That is why I’m here just writing about my adventure. That took a lot out of me. I did my best to get out of that area in case there were anymore of them. Been resting as much as possible. 

Nov. 12, 2021 

The zombie nightmares have returned! They failed at hunting me down, so now they won’t let me sleep again. Reliving the events from the other day. This time the zombies excelled at climbing trees. Like zombie monkeys. There was nowhere to hide. They were falling from the trees. I would be running and have to dodge the zombies that would fall in front of me. Finally they had me trapped. Instead of eating me, they decided to hang me. Guess I was thinking about the one that hung on the tree. When I woke up I had a hard time catching my breath. Almost like I was under water. Scary. Had to shake that off, and get moving. I think I covered more ground today than I have in a while. However, I must be going in circles cause I am getting nowhere fast. I can’t wait to get out of this forest. 

Nov. 15, 2021

Mississippi! At least the river anyway. I can’t believe I finally found a damn sign. Apparently I am only miles away. Maybe I will be able to figure out where I am. According to my map, that means I am almost out of Arkansas. I could scream, but don’t want to draw any attention to myself. So consider this my SCREAM! Hopefully the next state will treat me better. Sleep time. Motivated to move forward now.

Nov. 21, 2021

Where is this river already? SCREAM! 

Nov. 22, 2021

A few miles apparently equal several days for my slow ass to walk there. Little food, and no sleep make it hard. Desperately want to get out of here. These zombie dreams have me on edge. I keep thinking they are popping up around me. I started running from nothing the other day. Spooked by a branch that fell. Ridiculous I know. Miss a lot of things, but right now really missing the city. Head hurts. No more writing

Nov. 26, 2021

The sweet sound of a river ruined by the sight of zombies. Are they thirsty? Surely they need a bath. Based on my previous experiment, I am still under the assumption they can’t swim. I can’t believe this. I was ready to celebrate finding the river, now what. Hiding in a tree. Think I will watch them from a distance to see where they are going. Hopefully they don’t smell, or see me. Can’t believe this!

Nov. 27, 2021

Zombies don’t now what they are doing. They are just going in circles. Along the river. Around the trees. So far they have no clue I’m here. Obviously not like the hunter zombies I barely escaped from. Why don’t they just move along? They are going to force me to move.

More laughter at the expense of zombies. Actually I had to hold the laughter in. Just as I was ready to put the journal away I noticed this one zombie walking on some rocks by the side of the water. One of his friends should have told him that was not a good idea. Some of them are clumsier than others, and this was a clumsy one. First it took a nasty fall. Had a hard time getting back up. Apparently with the fall, it lost track of where it was going, or what it was doing. It stumbled over some other rocks, and took another spill. It laid there for a minute then rolled the wrong way. Right into the river. Washed away. Zombies zombies zombies so deadly but sometimes so stupid. 

Dec. 3, 2021

It was me or the zombies and the zombies won. Tired of waiting, I have carefully moved away from the river, and back into the woods. I should be moving parallel to the river. A little further and I will head back to the river. Hopefully my friends won’t be there. If they are, I think I have a plan that might work. Sorry journal, if this goes wrong, I might not see you again. I will miss you friend. If you find this, please hold onto it. It maybe the only thing left that proves I exist. Or existed. 

Dec. 8, 2021

Journal, nice to have you back. Miss me? Of course you did. It didn’t go exactly as planned, but still worked. I made it to the river. No zombies in sight. At least for a brief moment. Then some came running out at me. If I had seen zombies, my original plan was to hide my stuff, and then make a run for the river. Jump in and grab a hold of something. Then hope the stupid zombies would jump in after me, and get taken down river. I let my guard down. I was looking at the river to figure out what to do then out of the forest they came. No time to hide anything. I dropped my stuff, and it was time to get wet. Wow that water was rougher than I thought. Good thing I am a good swimmer. I caught a hold of this log that was stuck. Then I started yelling at the zombies. I didn’t realize it but some of them had already jumped in. It was a little scary because some quickly disappeared. I didn’t know if they would pop up, or maybe one would actually be able to swim. The river brought one of them close to me, but luckily it was too much for it. They all went under, or down stream. Now that they are gone, I need to decide how I am going to cross this thing. Good swimmer or not, it is too rough to make it across. Plus I want you to make it safely across too. Can’t wait to write about getting out of Arkansas.

Dec. 11, 2021

Following the river, I can’t seem to find a good spot to cross. I must be in a bad place. It is too far to swim. Good swimmer or not, I don’t have the strength to put up that kind of fight. It was hard enough holding onto that log, and the water is freezing. I need a boat. Bridge would be nice. How did people cross this thing? 

Dec. 15, 2021 

Boat it is. Found a small one washed onshore. I think I can get it loose, and back into the water. Checked it out and doesn’t appear to have holes. I will probably find out pretty quickly. Not counting on the motor working. No paddles so I’m not sure how I’m going to control this thing. I am going to look for some sticks that might serve as a paddle. Sort of. I don’t know. Writing this has me rethinking this idea. Must thi

Dec. 20, 2021

Against better judgment, I pushed the boat away from shore and into the water. One of those impulse things after sitting and debating it. Almost like I was trying to prove to myself that I could do this. And I did it. Some how. Some way. Honestly, scared shitless. I couldn’t control the boat. It took seconds before the boat and river went to battle with me along for the ride. Spinning around, bouncing off waves. I missed half of it with my eyes closed, and head down. Holding on for dear life. Worse than any roller coaster I have ever been on. It finally stopped when the river hit a calm spot. With the boat in coasting mode, I kind of willed the boat over to the other side. Jumped off that thing like it was on fire. Pushed it back in the water and said “Good Riddance!”

Dec. 22, 2021

Land lover for sure. I had dreams that I was on that boat, and it never stopped. Just kept going. Fighting the waves. Bouncing me all around. I think I woke up seasick. After effects of the ride, maybe. On top of that, the zombies were standing along the shore laughing at me. Mom included. Guess they weren’t happy about me laughing when they jumped into the water and drowned trying to get to me. Now to figure out where I have landed. Hopefully near a city. A change of scenery. 

Dec. 29, 2021

After walking and walking finally signs of civilization. Civilization probably not, but a city yes. As usual, it isn’t that easy though. I found a sign that says there is a city only a few miles ahead. I also found another sign that read, “Beware of Zomb.” They didn’t live long enough to finish the sign. Actually there are some bones not too far up the road. Maybe that’s them. They should have been running. Kind of makes me think I should do more paying attention and less writing sometimes. Oh well, if I got to go, why not go out with you journal.

They say history often repeats itself so I hope that isn’t the case now. A sign tells me the river is close. I get there, and there are zombies waiting for me. Now I see a sign that there is a city close by. Are there zombies waiting for me? This time there is a warning sign, and the lessons history might be trying to teach me. I took on that river to get here. There really is no stopping now. Sorry history. I haven’t learned. 

Click here for year 2022: Journal: Jan 1, 2022-Dec 30, 2022