Zombie Jokes

Here are some zombie jokes I found searching the web. Not all of them are funny, but hopefully some of them entertain you!

What is the difference between zombies and patched jeans?
Zombies are dead men, Jeans are mended.

When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.

What do you call a one inch zombie?
Tomb Thumb

Where do you go when you want to buy a zombie?
To the Mon-Store

What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?A MOM-ster

What kind of candy does a zombie refuse to eat?

What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?A dead-ringer

Where do zombies go swimming?
The Dead Sea

Where do most zombies live?
On dead-end streets

Why did the zombie go crazy?
Because he lost his mind.

Who does a zombie take out for dinner?
His ghoul-friend.

Where is the safest place in your house from a zombie?
The living room.

What does the zombie say during a wrestling match?
Do you want a piece of me???

What do you call a dead bumblebee?
A Zom-Bee

Whats a zombies favorite toy?
A deady bear.

Who won the zombie war?
Nobody, it was a dead tie.

Where do zombies go for cruises?
The Deaditerranean.

Why did they find a disembodied head inside of a piano?
A zombie forgot it when he was trying to play by ear. 

What has a Dogs Head, a Cats tail, and brains all over its face?
A Zombie coming out of the pet store.

Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately...

What did the zombie get an award for?

What's black and white and red all over?
A nun being eaten by zombie babies. 

Why did the zombie go to hospital?
He wanted to learn, a few sick jokes.  

What did the zombie eat after its teeth were pulled out?
The dentist. 

Why did the zombie try to kill the human?
Because he was hungry.

Why did the children mistake the man for zombie?
Because he was high, 98 and angry! 

Why did the zombie go to the hospital?
He wanted to learn a few sick jokes!

Why did the zombie lose the lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!

The baby zombie asks her mother “Mommy, do I have daddy’s eyes?” The mother says “Yes you do honey! Now eat them before they get cold!”

What’s a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head and shoulders!

What do you do if there’s a zombie coming towards you?
Hope it’s halloween!

What did one zombie say to the other zombie when they were eating a comedien?
This tastes funny!

What did the vegeterian say when turned into a zombie?

How many Zombies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, Zombies can't fit in a light bulb and they don't screw.
No Seriously, How many Zombies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Why are you watching Zombies screw in a light bulb, SHOOT THEM!

How do you put a zombie baby to sleep?
Decapitate it, set it on fire, and scatter the ashes.

What's nastier than nailing a zombie baby to a post?
Watching it pull itself off and then try to eat you.

What's cuter than a zombie baby?
A zombie baby with a bunny head in its mouth. Awww.

What's small, red, and can't turn around in a corridor?
A zombie baby impaled on a 7-foot pole.

What's blue, covered with frost, and sits next to a turkey?
A Zombie baby in the freezer.

What's blue, red, and goes "splat"?
A police officer after a zombie horde gets through with her.

What do you call a zombie in a tuxedo?
Black, White, and Dead all over

What did the zombie's buddy say when he introduced him to his girlfriend?
Where the hell did you dig her up from?

Why did the zombie cross the road?
He wanted to eat the chicken.  It all tastes like chicken to a Zombie.

Don’t forget to start reading The Dog Days in Zombieville today!