Journal: June 16, 2019-Dec 26, 2019
For easier reading, here are all the days in the journal from June 16, 2019- Dec 26, 2019. Also, follow the link at the bottom of the page to continue reading the events of 2020!
June 16, 2019
I guess I should start with my name, Max Wagner. I never liked writing, but I think this will help me keep sane. Not too many people to talk to these days. Wow, this feels weird, I don’t even remember the last time I had to write anything. I am not sure what to write about, but here I go. I guess I should start with what the hell is going on, not that I really know. It all happened so quick, I’m not even sure I could tell the story right at this point. I mean, it was just chaos. People got sick, people were dead, then alive again. But not alive like me. Changed. Like beasts or something. So many died… I think. I don’t know what you consider alive and dead anymore. It started with the dogs. Man’s best friend no longer. I guess it wasn’t their fault though. They started getting sick. It spread from dog to dog at first, but then some people started getting sick. I didn’t know people could get sick from dogs, but they did. Some kind of flu, or virus. It wasn’t much of a problem until people started dying. People panicked, they didn’t know what to do with their dogs. One of the family, no one wanted to get rid of their dogs. Some people even talked about killing them off, imagine that! That caused scientists to race to find a vaccine. I think it was about a year before a vaccine was made. Things were great after that. Pretty much back to normal.
June 17, 2019
I think last night is going to be one of my last nights here. Right now, I’m in a ten-story apartment building. Of course, I have barricaded myself in. Always have to secure the location. I have worked my way down from the tenth floor to the fourth floor. I am getting a little closer to the ground floor than I want to be. I have used up most of the resources in this apartment, food and clothing. There is another building a couple of blocks from here that I would like to get to. It is bigger than this one. It could make for a good home for the next couple of months. It could also be a death trap. You never know where these zombie dog creatures are hiding. This has been my home for a while now, but it wasn’t my original choice. There is one down the street that I tried to get into first. It seemed quiet going in, but ended up being anything but quiet. I think I made it up to the fifth or sixth floor when I heard them, and they heard me too. They came running to the stairway door, and started banging on it. I turned and took off back down the stairs. You never know when they will eventually get the door open. These were the kind of doors where you just had to push the lever to open. There was no handle, so I knew they would be inside the stairway quickly. I had just rounded the 3rd floor door when I heard the 2nd floor door slam open. I turned around, entered the 3rd floor hallway, and quickly looked for something to hold the door closed, but it was too late. They were already banging at the door. I knew there was another stairway on the other side of the hallway, so I took off. I almost made it when one of them came out of an apartment. It had apparently been eating something because it was drooling fresh blood from its mouth. I did not want to be dessert so I turned to run the other way, but the others had already opened the door and were racing towards me. I pulled my knife out, and turned back towards the one creature just in time. It was going right for my neck, but I was able to stab it right through the cheek. It was a lucky stab to be truthful. I didn’t have much of a chance to think it through. I pushed it to the wall, let go of the knife, and ran past it. I’m not sure if I got the knife to go all the way through its mouth to the wall, and I wasn’t going to stick around to find out. I made it to the stairway, and out of the building. I ran to a store across the street from this location, and hid until I thought it was safe to come into this building. I didn’t want to come into this building until I was sure they weren’t following me. It also gave me a chance to scope out this building before entering it. Wow, I wrote a lot more than I did yesterday. Maybe I will get the hang of this.
June 20, 2019
Today is moving day. I used to hate moving day, and I still do. It seemed like we used to move every other year. Packing up all my stuff. Unpacking, then making it all fit in your new room. What a pain in the ass. I don’t think I had as much as my sister, Violet. Dolls, dolls, dolls. I think I lost something every time we moved. Sometimes an important thing, sometimes probably something I should have trashed anyway. At least now there is not much to pack. I have two backpacks that I tied the shoulder straps together to make them basically one pack. Clothing always took boxes upon boxes to move. Not now. I take very few clothes because I figure to find some at my next stop. It is like going house, clothing, and grocery shopping all at the same time. I definitely load up on food. Anything that is still edible. Whenever you find something to eat, it is like finding gold. If it fits, it must go. Then there are my weapons. Yes, my weapons. Never pegged myself as someone who would be carrying around weapons. Now I’m like Batman. I have a belt that I carry around my waist with several knives attached. I got lucky and found a gun in the last apartment. I hate guns, but they are very useful. That is until they run out of bullets. So are the bullets more useful than the gun? I don’t know. I also have some deodorant spray. It is the only spray I have left. No, it is not for my underarms either. It is to spray around if I think I am being followed. Hopefully, it gets rid of my smell so that they don’t find me. Then there is my friend Louis here. I think I was in a baseball player’s apartment because this guy had tons of bats. I picked one that is easy for me to swing, and to carry around. I hope. Besides packing up my things, I also had to go outside for the first time in a long time. I went out on the balcony to get a better look at the area. To try to see if I could tell which way was the best way to get to that apartment building. It would have been easier if I had those long vision things. I can’t remember what they are called. It is risky going outside. It lets my smell out. I did put some really bad smelling spray on so I think that helped. I also had to be quiet. Really, I don’t want them to smell or hear me. I listened and looked carefully to see if there was any movement going on down below. I am going out there one more time to double check, and then I am off. Hopefully this won’t be the world’s shortest journal. I hate moving day!
June 26, 2019
Man do I hate moving! Those dam zombies didn’t make it easy. It looked clear, but I didn’t get far before I heard them coming. I tried to take a different route, but I didn’t want to get too far off course. I wasn’t sure if they picked up my scent, so I decided to hide in a garbage dumpster. God, it was terrible. Who knows how long that garbage has been sitting there? I think I would have vomited if I actually had something substantial to eat. I think I spent two days there. I am not sure what they were doing. I really don’t know what they do besides kill people. They came close to finding me. I even think one bumped up against the dumpster, but I don’t think they knew I was there. There is no way they could have made out my scent amongst all that garbage. At least I hope not. When I finally got out, I took it slow, and safe. I didn’t care where they went as long as they didn’t see, or smell me. I made it to my building of choice. This is a huge condominium. It must be 25 stories. Right now I am on the 11th floor. I just didn’t have the strength to go higher. I usually like to check out the whole building before settling in, but this one is too big, and I am too weak. Maybe I made a bad choice. I am just going to have to be more alert. I am going to sleep. I’m too weak to write anymore.
June 28, 2019
The last time I think I felt this weak was 2 a days in football. Running all over that field for two hours in the morning and then again in the middle of the afternoon. At least that was fun. My biggest moment on a football field was when I made a late game interception, and returned it far enough for our team to kick a game winning field goal. Of course, the kicker got all the cheers. I am not sure I will ever catch another ball again. I finally got enough strength to secure the door better. Moved some furniture in front. Nothing too crazy because I would like to move higher in the building soon. That was kind of the point on coming here. Most importantly I got to take a shower. Actually, more like a rub down. I found a bar of soap and some orange juice. It was the only liquid in this apartment. I think the previous owners packed up and left with all the food and other necessities. There is not much here. So I poured the juice in a bowl to wet the soap, scrubbed myself until the bar disappeared, and then toweled myself off. Now I smell freshly squeezed. Ok, maybe not freshly. That juice was dated May 22, 2018.
July 1, 2019
Feeling better day-by-day. I am not sure if it was the journey over here, or being in that garbage so long that made me sick. Maybe not eating too. I am going to have to move to another apartment. This one has nothing in it. They cleaned it out good before leaving. I am going to try to go higher up, but I still need to be careful. I haven’t secured this building, nor have I checked it all out. I like to get familiar with the building so that I know all the ways in and out. Where to hide. Also gather whatever I can use. I just wish I were a better locksmith. Maybe even a burglar. I have to fight with these doors to get them open. It would be easier to break them down, but that would do me no good. I wouldn’t be able to stay there, and that would make too much noise. Not that I am that quiet anyway. Banging and fighting with the lock to get it open. I have passed on so many apartments because I couldn’t get the door open. I always wonder what I missed. Food, clothing, weapons, and maybe a better way to shower. I can’t believe I wrote that. At least there is a 99.9% chance no one I know will ever read that I basically bathed with old orange juice. Actually, I don’t think I would mind at this point. I would be happy to have a friend to talk to. Then I wouldn’t have to write to keep entertained. To feel like I am talking to someone. Sometimes I just feel like yelling, but that would be a mistake. Especially since I think I heard something in the hallway yesterday. Maybe even the day before, or am I just hearing things from being light headed?
July 3, 2019
So I checked out a couple of floors yesterday, and there is something just not right. I went up and checked the 12th, and 13th floors first. Every door was locked except for one on each floor. I inspected those apartments, and found that they were about as empty as the one I was staying in. I decided to check out some of the floors I passed on a few days ago. I didn’t want to go too far down so I stopped at the 7th floor. It was the same thing. Every door except one was locked, and that one apartment was empty. I was trying to remember, and I think the apartment I was staying in was unlocked too. That is when it hit me. All of the open apartments were even numbered. After checking the ones leading up to where I was staying I noticed a pattern. The ending numbers were 2, 4, 6, 8, and then it would start over. Maybe I’m going crazy, and thinking way too much into this. No way, the 7th floor was 4, 8th was 6, 9th was 8, 10th was 2, and 11th was 4. Can’t be just a coincidence. The pattern continued to where I am now, which is the 14th floor ending in a 2. I think I am going to try to open one of the locked apartments, but not on this floor. The one below this one. Yea let me go do that now. Ok, after the usual struggle, I got it open. I checked it out, but nothing in there either. I left it unlocked, and wide open. I am going to test out a theory. I am going to barricade myself in now just in case. For the first time in a long time, I am actually looking forward to tomorrow.
July 4, 2019
I checked it out, and I was right. There is someone else here. The door was closed when I went down there. I didn’t try to reopen it. They must be the noise that I keep hearing in the hallway. The question is what do I do now? I don’t think they are friendly otherwise they would have approached me by now. Instead, it seems like they are keeping track of me. Maybe I should leave? It is obvious that they cleaned out the place. I am definitely low on food. Or do I push the issue, and seek them out?
July 5, 2019
Forgot yesterday was Independence Day. I remember when my parents used to take Violet and me down to the Boardwalk to watch all of the fireworks. The fireworks were cool, but nothing beat the corndogs. What I would do for a corndog now! It was fun until one year a firework misfired, and shot straight into a woman’s eye. That would have been something to see. I am not sure what happened to her. Maybe it exploded on her eye, and caught fire. All I know is that my mom refused to take us out to watch fireworks after that. Wouldn’t mind shooting some fireworks off at these zombie bastards. Lock them up in a warehouse of fireworks, and light the match. Maybe we will shoot off fireworks again one day to celebrate our independence from zombies. That would be interesting. I think I have decided to confront whoever is sneaking around in the building. I just haven’t decided if I should try to catch them in the hall, or go straight to the top floor. I need to make up my mind soon.
July 6, 2019
I have decided to go to the top floor mostly because I am curious about what is up there. Is there just one person, or dozens? Are they storing all of the stuff from all these apartments? Are they going to welcome me in, or kick me out? Leaning towards kick me out, which is why I am packing up everything. I am a little worried about where to go if they force me out of here. I usually like to have a plan before leaving. It is safer that way. Well, here I go. Good luck to self!
July 23, 2019
I led them right to those people. They told me to go away, but it was too late. Those zombies probably killed them all. I knew I should have just left. They didn’t want me there. Told me to leave the second I got up there. Before I knew it, I heard them coming. Racing up the stairs again. They heard them too, and refused to let me in their penthouse apartment. I hate to say it, but lucky me. If they let me in, I wouldn’t be writing right now. It was scary though. I didn’t know what to do at first. I went down a floor and checked the other stairwell, but they were in there too. I didn’t want to go in the open apartment and get trapped there. The only other place to go was the garbage chute room. By the time I opened the door to investigate, I heard them enter the hallway so I was stuck. The only place to go was in the chute. It was hard to get through the hole. I wedged Louis up against the room’s door to buy me some time to get in the hole, and that probably saved me. It didn’t take long for the zombies to pick up my scent. They were banging up against the door, and I heard them finally open it. After that, I just heard them scratching the walls. I knew they would not be able to open the chute door. I braced myself because I did not want to slide to the bottom, and get stuck there. Some time passed and then I heard the screams. The same screams I have been hearing in my nightmares since. The zombies must have busted their door down or something. I thought they were well defended, but I think there ended up being too many of them. That is when I slowly slid down the chute. I don’t remember what floor I got out at. I just keep thinking about those people. All dead because of me. I think those were the zombies I was hiding from before. That was what they were doing. They knew there were people around somewhere, and I probably led them right to the people. I thought I covered my scent. I don’t know. The zombies are so persistent. After I got out of the building, I just ran. When I thought I ran far enough, I ran some more. Good reason because I was being followed. It was not long before I was fighting off zombies myself. Running and shooting. Used up all my bullets, and lost several knives. I’m in bad shape now. I have got to find some food, and more weapons. I searched several houses until I finally found a car and some car keys. It was not easy knowing any minute they would be coming in through the windows. I finally got this old truck to start up. I drove as far out of that area as I could. Problem is, I keep getting further and further away from anywhere I am familiar with. I am a North Carolina boy suck somewhere in the middle of Texas. I am not sure where I am, and even where I should go. I need to find another town soon because I am almost out gas. Between the nightmares and my nervousness, it is hard to sleep more than 30 minutes at a time, but all this writing is making me tired. Good because I need to sleep. I am surprised that I am even making sense at this point. At least I got a truck where I can lay out instead of one of those small environmentally friendly cars. A lot of good they did. Who cares about the environment now? The only pollution that matters is the zombies. If we could only get rid of them. Why can’t we get rid of them? Why? They just keep coming! They just keep killing! Why? Why? Why?
July 24, 2019
I am a genius. I fell asleep while driving, and drove into a ditch. Luck is still with me because I survived that too. It would have sucked to have survived all these zombie attacks, and then die from crashing the car. I could have done that in a normal world. Not sure if it is lucky to still be alive though. I know my luck will eventually run out, that is if the zombie’s doesn’t first. Like with this guy I met about a year ago named Jedrus Gorski. He was a prison warden or a deputy warden. At least that is what I think it said on his badge. He said he had worked there over 15 years, and thought he saw everything an inmate could do. Stabbing guys in the eyes, slitting throats, broken bones, gang riots, and other nasty stuff I wish he hadn’t mentioned. With all his experience and training, he was not prepared for inmates to become zombies. He thought it all started from a bunch of inmates that had been recently transferred to his prison. He had a bad feeling about them from the start. The prisoners were there probably a couple of weeks before they all started getting sick and then died. Only in riots had he ever had so many prisoners die in such a short time span. Before the bodies could be removed from the prison, all hell broke loose. Gorski said he signed the paperwork and saw them store the bodies, but he got the shock of his life when he saw one of the prisoners leaning over one of his guards biting into his stomach. Before he knew it, several of the other supposedly dead prisoners appeared, and charged at him. He said he unloaded every round of ammunition he had into them just to escape. The prison was put on lock down, but that did not stop the now zombie prisoners. They were killing people all over the place. Gorski said the dead people were coming back to life, and killing people too. That was the first time I had heard of anyone who was killed by a zombie coming back to life. I thought it was just the people who were vaccinated. He was in a difficult situation. He didn’t want to just let all the prisoners run free, but he also did not know how to stop the madness. Apparently he waited too long because the prison had become a maze of zombies and locked doors. You didn’t want to end up at a dead end. Most of his guards were killed, and were now zombies too. Some prisoners were locked in their cells, and refused to come out. I guess they weren’t so tough after all. They radioed for help, but it never arrived. I bet it was because someone probably mentioned dead people coming back to life, and killing people. Early in all this craziness, that was hard to believe, but not anymore. His 15 years of dedication to keeping a safe and functional prison went out the window. Finally, two guards and himself gathered all of the guns they could, and made their way towards a special emergency exit that only he knew of. After much blood shed, he was the only one lucky enough to make it out. I find it funny that the warden turned out to be the one that had to break out of prison, but Gorski did not find that funny at all. He looked like he wanted to shoot me when I told him that. The man loved his job I guess. It was quite the story. I think he told it to me 5 or 6 times with different details each time, which was good because sometimes I couldn’t understand that accent of his. I was also lucky to have him fight by my side for a while. He learned a lot of tricks from being at that prison, but his luck finally ran out. One night, the person on look out fell asleep, and zombies ambushed us. I just remember hearing all this screaming, and then taking off, but not Gorski. He was a brave leader to the end as he tried to save others in the group. While running away, I glanced back to see a zombie on his back. It looked like it may have had his ear in its mouth. Another one was hanging onto his leg, with others running right at him. He survived the prison, but not the changing world. If it wasn’t for Gorski, I may not be alive right now. I guess he passed his luck onto me. I’m going to need it to walk into town now. One last nap, and then I’m off. Man does my head hurt.
Aug. 3, 2019
I guess I have made it out of the city and into the world of small towns. There is not much here. There were some small homes I passed on the way into town, and no signs of life anywhere. As I got to the center of town, I saw a few dead bodies here and there. It is too hard to tell if they were zombies, or people that were killed by zombies. I am still not sure why some people apparently become zombies and others don’t. I don’t stick around when zombies are attacking. Run, run, run because these aren’t the typical zombies I used to see in horror movies. Horror movies. I guess I am the star of my own horror movie right now. Zombies, who would have thought that could ever happen. I am not a huge horror fan, and never will be if the world ever gets back to normal. Don’t remember what the last zombie movie I saw was. I miss going to the movies. I hope I am the hero of this story. Actually, I don’t remember too many people surviving in zombie movies. Damn! This can’t get much more depressing. There is no one here, but it is not a secure place to stay. Maybe that is why no one is here. A hurricane of zombies probably came right through here. Did their damage and moved on.
Aug. 4, 2019
My mom was the one that did the grocery shopping in the family. On occasion, I would be sent to get a few things, and I hated it. There were always so many people. Well, turn everyone into zombies and no more lines. I have this drugstore all to myself. Eating some dry cereal right now. It seems to last a long time, but still tastes stale. Needs some milk. Don’t think too many zombies are going to go milk the cows. Got some medicine for this headache too. I always wondered what would happen if you took expired medicine. I guess I will find out soon. Looks like I am going to load up on cereal and drugs, and find some transportation out of here.
Aug. 6, 2019
I had just enough gas to make it to the next town. Not much in between. This town is a lot like the last. A few homes with everything you need in the center of town. More dead people/zombies. I took a closer look at some of them, and it appears they were shot to death. Some had more than enough bullets in them. Maybe the military came through here. I hope I didn’t miss a chance at being saved. Maybe this will all be over soon. To get back to normal. At least as close to normal as can be after this mess. Mess is too light a word. This disaster! This catastrophe! This tragedy! This limited vocabulary I have with this headache. I still can’t sleep much. Too worried. And when I do, I wake up to the screams of people dying. The sun is about to set. Better find a place to hide.
Aug. 10, 2019
Everyone used to complain about $8.00 gas. I wish I could get some now. Can’t find a car that will get me anywhere. All I do is jump from one to another. That last one didn’t even get me to the next town. I had to walk the last couple of miles in this heat. I drank most of my water just to make it here. And the heat makes dead bodies reek. This town is a little different because there are bodies tied to poles, and placed around the entrance to town. Almost like a warning or something. I am getting another bad feeling about this. If they were the military, why would they do that? I don’t think the zombies would know what to make of that. Unless the military knows something I don’t. Maybe there are some smarter zombies. No, couldn’t be. I wish I could find some weapons. Just in case.
Aug. 11, 2019
Should I go back? Should I try a different route? I should look for a map. Maybe I could figure out where I am. I can’t find a map anywhere. I guess these people all knew where they were, and had no plans to go anywhere. Or the ones that left took all the damn maps with them. More reason for my head to hurt.
Aug. 24, 2019
I had to take a break from writing until I found some medicine. I could barely think. I even broke my rule against going out at night, but I had to move on to the next town to find medicine. Plus, there are no signs of life anywhere. Just dead bodies on poles, hung from trees, placed in front of doors, and in piles burnt to death. I know I am getting myself in trouble, but I have nowhere else to go. I took the rare opportunity to actually look at some of the dead zombies. It was not easy because they smell even worse dead than alive. Their skin looks kind of like melted cheese. I wonder why? I have avoided touching them whenever possible, but I have gotten closer than I wanted too. I don’t think I actually touched one, or at least that is what I prefer to think. They seem to bleed easily. Drool it sometimes. You could tell that some of them were probably dragged to their current resting spot. There are different trails of blood everywhere. Their eyes are also bloody. Very red. I used a stick to open some of their eyes lids. I popped one out by accident. Blood rushed out. Disgusting. I don’t have much of a stomach for that. On to other things, supplies in these towns are getting less and less. The military or whoever came through here killed everyone, and took everything they could use. Including the medicine. I got lucky and found a stash someone was hiding in their home. Probably hid it because it is some strong stuff. I had my best night of sleep in a long time last night. The nightmares couldn’t wake me this time.
Oct. 13, 2019
This is the first time in a long time I have been able to write. Hopefully, they don’t find me doing it either. After the last writing I was looking for another car when someone knocked me out. I woke up being hosed down in a shower. I think they were making sure I had not been bitten, or scratched up by a zombie. Surprised those bastards didn’t rape me. I have been taken in by a group of crazy ex-cops, ex-military, and gun loving white people who probably went hunting every weekend. They have turned this small-gated community into their private civil war fort. They probably have had dreams of doing this for years, and finally got the opportunity. They play defend the fort while they make everyone else cook, clean, store supplies, and anything else they can think of to keep us busy. I wonder if this is similar to the days of the hunters and gathers. Can’t believe I am a gather. Everyone gets their own small portion of the food, and supplies, but only the trusted get the guns. They took the little medicine, and water I had with me. My journal was the only thing they let me keep because no one had a use for it that wasn’t named Max. It would be hard for them to read or write, if they could, with their hands glued to their guns. I will be honest... I am a gather.
Oct. 16, 2019
So I made my complaints about being here and I can’t say I’m totally happy, but there are some good things. My headache has gone away. I think it is a combination of eating more regularly, and finally getting some good sleep. I can sleep more easily in this protected atmosphere. I still get the nightmares from time to time, but they are going away too. I wanted things to go back to normal, and this is probably as normal as it is going to get for a while. I am not sure how long these people have been here, but they
Oct. 22, 2019
There are about 30 people here. About 20 of them are the hunters, and the rest are gathers including me. The hunters take turns guarding the fort. They station a couple of people at the entrance while others patrol the grounds. There are always a few keeping track of the gathers. We aren’t free to just do whatever we want. If we are not working, we have to be in our homes. They don’t let us socialize too much. I think they are afraid we would form a coup. It is hard to socialize anyway. After everything all of us have gone through, it is hard to talk about sometimes. Much easier to write it down. Anyway, what is there to say? “Hey did you catch that game last night? How are the kids? Did you get that job?” Plus it is awkward when you are being watched over by guys with guns. I almost forgot. There are also 2 women here. You would forget them because the hunters keep them away from the rest of us. One is an older woman who does a lot of the cooking when there is something to cook. The other is a woman who I would say is in her late 20’s. Never been good at guessing ages. The few times I actually saw her, she looked like she went 12 rounds with the devil. I am pretty sure the hunters have abused and raped her. I think if you gave her the choice of staying here or running into a pack of zombies, I think she would choose the zombies. There will never be normal for her again. It is sad, but it shows me things could be worse.
Oct. 29, 2019
Every once in a while, the hunters decide on who is going on the next hunting trip. That was what they were doing when they found me. They go out looking for food, and supplies, but I think they are really looking for zombies to hunt. After all, they are the ones that killed all those zombies I saw in those towns, and had fun hanging them up like Christmas ornaments. They usually will take a couple of gathers with them. I am sure that is bundles of fun. I haven’t decided if staying here or not is the best thing. I am not sure how long this whole set up will last, or how I feel about basically being a hostage here.
Nov. 3, 2019
There was a lot of work today. Some of the hunters just came back from a trip with more supplies. We had to put it all away as they watched closely. They wouldn’t want any of us to steal their loot even though we are supposed to be sharing. They apparently found a gun shop because they came back with rounds and rounds of bullets, and a bunch of new guns. They put that stuff away. Gathers don’t touch guns is the rule. We had to wipe down the trucks. Clean the dirt and blood off. It looked like they ran over some zombies. A good thing about the trips is that the hunters generally come back happy. I think as long as they got to kill some zombies, they were good. To celebrate, we had a bigger than usual dinner that was prepared by the older woman. I took the opportunity to try to make friends with one of the hunters. All of them are giant asses, but I think I found the one guy that has a little decency left in him somewhere. I wasn’t too pushy. I think I picked a good question to start the conversation. I asked how many zombies he had killed so far. That got him talking. We shared some zombie killing stories. I made up a few stories to show him that I hated the zombies as much as they did. I do hate them. I am just not into the whole hunting them thing.
Nov. 6, 2019
Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday to me! No, I am not really that excited. I have been singing that in my head all day. Made a point to write something today. Just wanted to at least make note of my birthday. My first birthday as a hostage. Would they let me go as a present? No, I’m not telling anyone. None of their business. They wouldn’t care anyway. The only people that would care are God knows where. Haven’t talked to family in what feels like decades. The last time I saw them was not a great time. We just buried mom. She died because of that worthless vaccine that caused this mess. She was I can’t write about this. Just another unhappy b-day.
Nov. 10, 2019
Still in a bad mood. Birthday has brought up too many memories. I just keep thinking of all my birthdays. I have been reading the end of my Nov. 3 journal entry over and over, and have been seriously thinking about it. I do hate the zombies. I owe them nothing. Why am I hesitant about killing them? Maybe the hunters have got it right after all. I know I said I wasn’t into hunting the zombies, but maybe I should be. I am so mad I actually feel like killing some zombies. The hunters kill for fun, but I feel like getting some revenge. Who are these zombies to me anyway? They just ruined everything. Everyone’s lives!
Nov. 12, 2019
Still thinking I could kill zombies. I have killed them before. Yea, it was for survival, but wouldn’t this be for survival too? The hunters are just being on the offensive. I have been playing defense all this time. Hell, if we don’t go after them, they will just come after us. I was talking with Joe, and he said no zombies have attacked this place since he has been here. I think that is because they go out, and kill them before they can get anywhere near here. I have been seriously thinking about asking Joe if I can go hunting with them. Can I do it?
Nov. 20, 2019
Thinking and thinking. Reading over my entries to see if I really mean this. I think I do. I think I can do it. What do I have to lose? Forget this, I am going to ask. Maybe Joe will let me go on the next trip. I am going to ask right now. I am He said he would see what he could do. I am not sure he totally trusts me yet. I don’t care. I think it is time to find some zombies to kill. Those damn bastards. Killing everyone. Screw them. They better let me go.
Nov. 25, 2019
Gather no more. I’m hunting some zombies. After days of begging, they said I could go. They didn’t promise a gun or anything, but I will find a way to take out my frustrations. I’m not sure when we are going, but hopefully it will be soon. I can’t hold this anger in much longer.
Dec. 1, 2019
I am going, but I think I am going as one of the few gathers they bring along. So I am still a gather. That is fine. Hopefully I will get a shot at some zombies. Joe told me it would be an important trip because they are going to look for another gas truck. One of the hunters knows a place where they have some trucks, and gas. Abandoned of course. That is where they got their current truck. I was wondering where they got it. Thought they got lucky, but I guess not. Maybe these guys are smarter than I thought. I am excited. Tonight we pack, and tomorrow we leave. Not like going to the lake for the summer. Not sure how long this will take.
Dec. 8, 2019
Dec. 9, 2019
Still disappointed. Wanted to write yesterday, but couldn’t. Didn’t see one zombie. Not one out there. I ended up just working. Carrying their stuff. Handing out food and water. Just work. Don’t know when they will go out again. Hopefully that wasn’t my only chance to kill a zombie. Just going to keep close to Joe. He will let me know. I will have to make sure he knows I still want to kill some zombies.
Dec. 15, 2019
Not much going on. Just doing the gatherer thing. Joe is not sure when they are going out again. I asked him about the zombies they killed in some of those other towns. He said most of them were there when they got there. There usually weren’t many people still alive in any of the towns. They do enjoy killing them, but he said they usually tried to kill as many as they could so that they could look for supplies safely. That makes sense. At first, they didn’t touch them, but after a while they decided to make an example of them. Still not totally sure why. I think it had to do with people like me that came to the towns. I think it was like their hunting trophies. Probably like when they used to kill deer, and hang the heads on their walls. I wonder if they have any zombie heads in any of the houses. Interesting. Disgusting!
Dec. 26, 2019
Christmas. Some people seem like they don’t care, but it has to bother them. How could you not miss Christmas? Your family? Even presents! This really sucks. Depressed all over again. Remembering my last Christmas at home. Always good to be home from school, and to take a break. To see how much trouble Violet has got into. Mom making a feast for all of us. Family in from out of town. Catch up talking football with dad. Such a happy time. Nothing but the doldrums now. No home, no family, no presents, no Christmas lights…nothing. Alone on Christmas again with New Years around the corner.
Click here for year 2020: Journal: Jan 2, 2020-Dec 27, 2020