Dec. 20, 2020

Peter has gotten over the events of the night I helped him out, and now continually wants to play. Like I am his new toy. He has quite the imagination. His favorite game seems to be pretending I am the zombie, and that I must die. At least he knows zombies aren’t good. I rather him learn I am the zombie and he must run away, but I guess that game isn’t as fun. Christina likes asking a lot of questions. Is it wrong lying to a kid? There are some questions I just can’t answer, and some that I don’t really want to talk about. I lied to Violet, but that was Violet. I knew what I could get away with. Rob Jr. hasn’t been as open to welcome me. Sometimes he joins in on kill the zombie, but I think he prefers playing with Peter alone. Could he be jealous that Peter has a new friend? It has been too long since I have been around kids. Plus the parents are still watching me. I never liked being around other people’s kids. I hated when I had to watch Violet and her friends. I never wanted to be responsible if something happened to one of them on my watch. Mom knew it too, but sometimes I got stuck watching them by default. While these parents keep an eye on me, I think they are happy to get at least a moment or two to relax.

Dec. 12, 2020

More zombies. Yesterday we pulled right up to several of them. Not sure what they were doing besides just roaming around. As soon as they saw the vans, they kicked it into gear, and came right after us. Rob and Jake put the vans in reverse, and took off. I was glad they took my approach to zombies. Don’t mess with them if you don’t have to. We didn’t stop for long after that. Got what we could from one store, and left town. Now we are out in the fields again. Take turns sleeping in the van. I sleep a lot when we are on the move. I can’t seem to help myself. Jess told me I talk in my sleep. Not good. Hopefully I won’t say anything bad about them. She said I mentioned zombies. No surprise there. That is all I dream about. She also said I mumbled “grass” a lot. She must have meant Grace. Again no surprise as she continues to be a huge presence in my dreams. I just played dumb with Jess on that one. It is too hard to talk about. Hurts even writing about. I am happy these families still have each other, but it also hurts watching them be together. Kind of jealous. This would all be so much easier to deal with if my family was around. Maybe that is why these kids aren’t too fazed by what has happened. It is like a big road trip for them. Except for the ugly monsters. I miss you     Grace

Dec. 9, 2020

Couple number 1 is Jake, and Emily. They have 2 of the younger kids. Peter, who was the one I saved. Sort of. And their daughter Christina. They told me their ages, but I forgot already. I am so bad with that stuff. Couple number 2 is Rob and Jess. They are Rob Jr.’s parents. Never really understood why you name a child after yourself, and make the only difference Jr. The older girl is still the odd person out. I see her talking more with Jess than anyone else, but I don’t know. Haven’t had the courage to ask. They haven’t said much about her either. I hate to say it, but she is almost as brain dead as a zombie. Just sits by herself. Doesn’t do much. Doesn’t help out. We moved into another town now. Let’s see what it has to offer us. Need more warm clothing. It has been getting really cold at night. It is a good thing that Jake is able to start fires. 

Dec. 5, 2020

I am still with the families. Couldn’t find the right time to leave, and there are more advantages than disadvantages of staying with them at this point. They have food, nothing much better than I find but there are no more gourmet cooks around these days. They have vans, and are surprisingly good at getting gas out of cars. One of the fathers was a mechanic. I am the only one alive that has no luck with cars. I have someone to talk too. Haven’t shared anything too personal with them. Just exchanged a few survival stories. I don’t want to get too attached. I am not sure how long this alliance is going to last. Sometimes I get the feeling they trust me, and other times I feel like they are keeping an eye on me. I guess I don’t blame them especially with the kids around. It is amazing that these kids have survived. The parents have gone to great lengths to protect them. Gives me a little hope that maybe Violet is alive. I’m sure dad would do the same for her. The kids seem pretty normal considering the circumstances. Not traumatized from what I can tell. They play a lot with the mothers close by. The only one that is odd is the older girl. She barely says anything. Kind of stays away from the group. Within safe distance. More like a follower. We haven’t spoken. I’m beginning to wonder if she is even one of their children. I just stay out of it. None of my business. They have gotten this far without me interfering. 

Nov. 29, 2020

What I didn’t want to happen, happened. I am now friends with the families. I should have left, but was just too lazy to leave without a car. Maybe a higher power kept me here. I was watching them on what was supposed to be Thanksgiving. They were celebrating, I am not sure why, and surprisingly lost track of one of the kids. I noticed the little boy got too excited playing with some toy, and was getting further and further from the group. I was in a two-story building and was going from room to room to watch him. That was when I noticed something else moving. Of course it was nothing good. I really didn’t want to get involved, but couldn’t just sit by and watch this boy get eaten. I ran door stairs, but when I got to the bottom, I really didn’t know what to do. I was weaponless. Then I realized I had the door barricaded in. No way was I getting out in time. So I smashed the window, and carefully and quickly climbed out. Didn’t need a plan at that point. Just as the zombies had picked up on the boy, they changed their direction to my noise. 3 zombs came right after me. I dodged them and ran to the boy who had now seen what was going on, but was frozen. I grabbed him and ran to a nearby car. Luck was on my side again because it was open. I pushed the boy in as he was screaming, and jumped in myself. Locked the doors. That was really a dumb move. I should have known better to get in a car that wouldn’t start. They started beating on the windows. I looked for something in the car to defend us with, but there was nothing. The boy kept screaming and was really panicking. I thought that was it. A good deed for nothing. I don’t know if I really really could have done it, but I was seriously thinking about how I could sacrifice myself for him to survive. Then I hit the horn by accident, and it worked. The zombies froze for a second, and then moved over to my side of the car as I held it down. Those were some ugly zombies. One of them was missing an eye. Some didn’t even have all their fingers. Drooling all over the window as they beat on it. Blood smearing on it too. As bad as my nightmares. I asked the boy if he was ready to run. He wasn’t listening to me. He was just screaming. I tried to scream over him, but that didn’t work. Kids have good lungs. The window started cracking and the horn was about to stop working when all of the sudden the zombs went up in flames. The fathers heard the horn, and came running with torches. It was amazing seeing the expression on the zombie’s face as it caught on fire. It looked as if it actually felt pain. I wasn’t sure if they did. I just thought they kept fighting on no matter what until you killed them. Never paid attention to their expression before. Just killed them and moved on. As the zombs flamed out, the kid jumped out of the car. I just sat inside for a few minutes kind of hoping they would just take their son and go, but they thanked me. I really didn’t want thanks either, plus they actually rescued us. It was just some instinct. Maybe the thoughts of Violet being in a similar situation. I would want someone to save her. They invited me over to their camp, but I told them I would pass. That didn’t work. They practically begged me to go with them so I did. For the last couple of days I have been with them. Learning who they are, more who they were. They seem all right, and are not with any other group from what I can tell. We have moved through the city slowly, but now is the time to decide. Do I stay with them, or continue on by myself? That may depend on me finding a car. Also, the direction they are going. They are in the same boat as I am. Just trying to survive, and looking for hope. 

Nov. 23, 2020

They don’t leave. Just hanging around. I guess they feel safe here. Not sure what to do. I really want a car, but I can’t just take one without them knowing. I don’t think they are a threat to me, but I just want to move on. I’ll give them another day or two. If not, I will be on foot again. 

Nov. 20, 2020

Watching these families is making me really miss being home. Not knowing what happened to my family. Not sure if I will ever know what happened to my family. Did they escape like me? Roaming around like me? Are they with each other? Violet on her own? Are they zombies? Eating people? Seeing these kids run and play reminds me of going to the park with Violet and Jack. Jack chasing other dogs around, while Violet played on the swing-set. She loved swinging. “Higher, higher to the clouds” she would always say. One time she surprised me and suddenly jumped off in mid air, and took a hard fall. I thought she broke a leg for sure. I ran over to her as she lied still for a few seconds. Then she just started laughing. I was thinking mom was going to kill me for sure so I was relieved. It was that damn daredevil of a kid that was jumping off next to her. I really wanted to yell at his parents, but I just told Violet she couldn’t do that again or mom wouldn’t let us come back. I’m sure she did it again, but not while I was watching. 

Nov. 14, 2020

Families still here. They are making their way through town, and I am just following them through at a distance. They aren’t leaving much behind for me. Staying locked up at night. Finally saw them light a fire, but nothing like what I have been seeing. Probably just keeping warm. Also see dads walking around with self-made torches keeping a look out. As soon as they leave, I will look for a car.