June 16, 2021

I thought about it all night. Didn’t get the vaccine. Didn’t get the disease. Still alive. Mom got vaccine. Died. People that didn’t get the vaccine. Died. People that got the vaccine. Died. Doesn’t make sense. How is it fair? What were people supposed to do? They died either way. Difference is some became zombies. Some didn’t. And me. How am I alive? My only guess is that Jack never got the disease. So they didn’t need the vaccine. This just gets harder and harder to swallow. I should just focus on the kids. They are a sign of hope. 

June 15, 2021

My mom just won’t leave me alone. Haunting my dreams again. Ruining my memories. I could see her ordering zombies to hunt me down. Escape one then she would appear ordering others to get me. I must have really let her down. I accept this punishment. If they never got Jack for me, they wouldn’t need the vaccine. It was mostly for dog owners. There is an outside chance they could have gotten it any way, but still. With a dog comes responsibility. You need to feed it. Take it for a walk. Give it a bath. And most of all love it. That is what mom told me after giving me Jack. I did some of those things for a while. Then it was mom that feed and bathed him, and dad that walked him. I loved him. That I did all the time. Easiest thing to do. We all loved him. That was the problem. Couldn’t get rid of Jack. It would have been like mom getting rid of me, or Violet. Vaccine was the only choice. And mom paid for it. Hopefully it did not take dad, and Violent too. Not sure I could deal with knowing I was responsible for my families death. Knowing I killed mom is all I can handle right now. 

June 9, 2021

Things not getting any better. Thought it was. I have enjoyed some of the rain we have gotten. Good water to drink. Able to clean off. But it also caused a problem. With the wet ground, Jake crashed one of the vans. No one got really hurt. A bump and bruise here and there. Good thing we didn’t slide off a cliff. They have tried, but it doesn’t look like they are going to be able to fix it. We have been preparing to ride in one van. That is going to be a packed house with all the supplies. I think we are going to have to leave some stuff behind. They wouldn’t leave me behind instead? No, a good babysitter is hard to find, especially these days. 

June 1, 2021

Dodged a bullet yesterday. Literally! Some crazy old guys living up on this mountain. They didn’t take kindly to strangers. I guess they thought we were going to steal their stuff. I’m glad they didn’t steal any of our stuff. They fired a couple of shots that were close. Rob wanted to ask for some directions at the least, but they wanted no part of us. They wanted us to leave in a hurry. They were screaming something about us having a disease too. None of us are zombies, but they weren’t willing to risk it. They obviously had some of their own zombie experiences. The other bad part was that since they didn’t let us pass, we had to go back down and around in a new direction. Jake was not happy about the wasted gas. 

May 16, 2021

Arkansas is different from Oklahoma. Lots of mountains. We have gone over a couple. Jake is worried about driving so much. We are using a lot of gas, and seem to be getting nowhere. My map doesn’t exactly show us a good way to avoid these mountains. We are spending a lot of time in the woods too. Less chance of zombies out here, but you never know. 

April 23, 2021

Nicole. That’s her name. That is about all I have learned in the last few months. I actually asked Emily about her, but she didn’t have much to say. Said she was with Rob and Jess when the couples met. Jess told them she does better alone, so no one pays attention to her unless they have to. I just realized I don’t know how the couples came to be friends. I need to ask. Nothing going on in Arkansas, which is a good thing. 

April 2, 2021

Arkansas! Never thought I would be in Arkansas. Is this going to be the place where we get saved? Or die? We have worked well as a group so far. Actually, Jake and Rob have done more of the work. Getting cars to work. Protecting us from zombies. I have been more like a babysitter. An older brother to the kids. This has been a refreshing experience to say the least. So busy with the kids, I haven’t had a chance to write. Actually gave them some pages to draw the other day. So if you are reading this and see missing pages, it was most likely because I gave it to the kids. You didn’t miss anything. Unless someone messed with the journal after me. Jess actually was asking me about the journal. She was shocked I took the time to write. I told her she was lucky to have the others to talk to. The journal is who I have talked to. My one true friend on this journey. Keeping me sane. Keeping my memories alive. The only thing I have to leave behind if a zombie gets me. I thought she was going to ask to read it, but she seems to respect my privacy. The kids wanted to read it. They thought it was a storybook or something. I had to lie my way out of that. I don’t think there are any kids stories here. So Arkansas. Let’s see!

Feb. 25, 2021

Jess told me an interesting story the other day. It was about the first time they saw a zombie. They were visiting Rob’s parents. It was a surprise visit. Rob Jr. missed his grandparents so they took the trip. Things were fine the first couple of days. Then after dinner one night, there was something knocking up against the door. Rob’s mother went to check it out, but apparently didn’t see anything at first. It happened again, and she went to the door again. This time she opened the door because she thought it was her other son. She was sort of right. It was her son turned zombie. It immediately attacked her. Jess said they were so confused when they saw what was happening. Rob pulled his brother off of his mom, but they couldn’t reason with him. He wouldn’t stop trying to fight his way out. They knew he was sick because his face was all messed up. Probably looked like he was micro waved. They choose to lock his brother in a room. Jess called for the police. It must have been at the beginning of the madness because I know we could never reach anyone on 911. She said an ambulance with 2 EMT’s, and one policeman showed up. They tried to save his mom, but it was too late. Rob’s father didn’t want to turn in his son, but Rob thought it was best. He needed help. Jess didn’t see it, but she said when they opened the door, Rob’s brother went right for his dad. The policeman and Rob had him for a second, but he got loose and then went for the cop. The cop had no choice but to shoot him. Jess said that she came running back in the house at that point. Rob had his father in his arms, and the policeman was calling for back up. She figured the cop had shot his brother. She said that just as she was about to ask if he was dead, the brother rolled over. Everyone was shocked. It appeared the cop had shot him in the chest, not the head. The cop reached for his gun again, but his brother beat him to the punch that time. Jess ran to get Jr. as Rob told his father to get in their car. When Jess came back with Jr. they all left leaving his brother behind. They couldn’t believe what happened. Jess said it was strange how Rob’s brother lived about 15-20 miles away, but hadn’t seen his parents in at least 10 years. It seemed they had a disagreement over the parents’ will. Probably wanted more money than he was getting. Not their favorite son I guess. Anyway, she said there was no car, or other transportation. They don’t know how he got there, or why after all this time he showed up. Jess said they had an interesting ride back home. The closer they got to home, the crazier the streets got. I believe that!